by Tim Connor, CSP
Today we are hearing a lot about "resistance" and not just in politics.
Is this a serious issue when it comes to success, business and or career growth, better and improving relationships, health, and just about every life issue or does it not matter which way you approach life's challenges, opportunities or just circumstances?
The answer is - yes - whether you are a 'resistor or an acceptor' matters in many ways when it comes to areas of life that you might not have considered.
Just because you disagree with someone does not make you a resistor and just because you go along with something does not make you an acceptor.
What I am referring to here is a broader interpretation of these two life approaches and how either mindset influences, not just the bigger life issues but even the subtle ones as well.
If you have a few minutes and you are not sure in the broader sense which is your tendency I hope to make it clearer or easier for you to determine which is your primary approach and what is the impact it might be having on your life.
Resistance does not just deal with how you treat others and or their opinions or values but your health, longevity, happiness in general, your security and your life approaches.
What is resistance? There are many definitions here's just one; "the refusal to accept or comply with something; the attempt to prevent something by action or argument."
OK, regarding the definition above - what is "something"? Is it or could it be everything? Anything? I guess it just depends whether you resist or accept this definition. See where I'm going with this?
So far in less than 300 words you may already resisting or accepting something I have said or implied. Again, what is something?
The benefits of resisting and accepting.
Yes, resisting some things in life is a smart move, things like; driving drunk, taking stupid drugs, dealing with stupid people, overeating every meal, working for really bad bosses and putting up with emotional or physical abuse and yes there are many more of these. So, let me be clear when I talk about resisting it's not because I am a liberal or a conservative but because I am a person.
However, resisting other things can be stupid as well, things like; learning new skills, accepting wise counsel or advice from others, admitting personal mistakes or weaknesses and maintaining smart money and health attitudes.
To save you a little time - accepting is nothing more than the opposite of resisting regardless of the situation, person or event.
So, how do we know what to resist and why? Keep reading.
The pitfalls of resisting and accepting.
Both resisting and accepting are grounded in a great deal more than just what is happening or who is involved. Your response to everything is based on a wide variety of attitudes, beliefs, opinions, experience, goals, etc. etc.
So, in any given situation who knows which are the most influential? But what I can say is that I guarantee there is a pattern to your resistance or acceptance and that pattern is probably driving a majority of your actions, choices, decisions, and behaviors as well as contributing to your success and happiness and/or your failures or mistakes.
It doesn't matter whether you are hitting the remote on your TV, screaming at a driver in front of you, complaining to a spouse about anything, teaching your kids rules, treating a customer or fellow employee inappropriately - whatever - I'll bet the triggers that determine your behaviors are predictable most of the time.
Is it envy or forgiveness, blame or compassion, anger or support, jealousy or understanding, frustration or patience - this list is endless.
A quick example - while writing this article I received an email from a total stranger that I had emailed earlier in the week who is in a position to hire me for a future speaking engagement. It's just been a part of my marketing strategy for many years. Anyway, his response was - "Get Lost". That's it.
So, a resistor or acceptor? Who knows but what I do know is acceptors tend to avoid resistors and vice versa.
So, what's the best approach?
The answer is - it depends. Depends on what? Well, consider; will the response improve or destroy some area of your life or a relationship? Will the answer contribute to success or failure, inner peace or anxiety, contentment or frustration? And how do we know since we can't determine or predict the future? It's called experience, wisdom and learning folks. If you have not paid attention to your past actions and decisions and their outcomes, you will tend to repeat the same mistakes. Guilty? I know I am. If you don't consider both the long and short-term impact of something it could go very bad either in the long or short term. If you are driven by ego and arrogance I will guarantee sooner or later, you will accept when you should have resisted and resist when you should have accepted.
Sometimes either approach can lead to positives and/or negatives. We just can't know the future and all of its ramifications, complications, and uncertainties. All we can do is bring wisdom (experience, knowledge, information, maturity, discernment, and confidence) to the process and each situation or person. And then manage it as best we can given our knowledge, information, experience, and mindsets.
In general what I have learned over the years is acceptors generally tend to be happier, healthier and more successful.