Weekly Relationship Tips
“When a person is down in the world, an ounce of help is better than a pound of preaching.”
~ Edward Bulwer-Lytton
Have you ever noticed that some people are more generally thoughtful and appreciative than others? Why is it that some people:
- Say thank you regularly.
- Return phone calls on a timely basis.
- Acknowledge gifts and thoughtful acts in a positive and responsive way.
- Think more about how they can help others vs. themselves.
Over the years I have tended to notice this character trait in people, whether friends, family or total strangers. Are we just too: into ourselves, preoccupied, self-centered, busy, or do we downright just not care about others’ issues, feelings, dreams, concerns or challenges? Are our own personal agendas taking precedence over any thoughtful behavior? There are a number of considerations when it comes to this simple idea of being thoughtful and appreciative. Here are just two.
One: To be thoughtful of others because in some way you can bring sunlight into their lives regardless of their life dramas, position or status. Everyone needs some degree of acknowledgement, validation, appreciation, thoughtfulness or cheerleading. Can some kind act ease their burden or lighten their emotional load – even if only for a moment in time?
Two: The other is to show some recognition of the acts that other’s do for you whether solicited or not. Some people don’t show appreciation because they:
- Have no manners.
- Do not want to send the message to the other person that they approve of their behavior, therefore sending the message, keep it up. They would prefer they stop. They don’t like feeling guilty, obligated or uncomfortable.
- Don’t even notice the thoughtful acts of others.
- Expect thoughtful acts from others. They deserve them.
I could go on indefinitely with this information, but I am sure you know or have known people who you would define as less than thoughtful or appreciative. Maybe, even you fit into that category if you are willing to do a little honest self-appraisal. So what are our options when it comes to thoughtful attitudes:
- Don’t attach strings to your thoughtfulness (expectations or barter)
- Stop being thoughtful of others. (Let their behavior determine yours)
- Be thoughtful only where it is appreciated, even if in small ways.
- Start keeping score.
- Be who you are and give and show thoughtfulness because that is who you are and it has nothing to do with the receiver. Gifts given with love have no expectations or agendas for a return of any kind.
- Start giving anonymously. Send cards, notes of inspiration etc. to people and don’t sign them.
And, if you are the lucky recipient of a thoughtful act from a friend or stranger take the time and energy to show appreciation – every time. Don’t break the chain. Even if the thought or act meant nothing to you or had no value for you, what is lost with a heartfelt thank you – I appreciate that!