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Selling and the four agreements

March 6th, 2013 No comments

Weekly TimBit – Selling and the four agreements

Before I get started, if you have never read the best-selling book, The Four Agreements by M. Ruiz, I urge you to buy it today and spend the next few days devouring his very wise counsel. To this day out of all of the books I have read this is still one of my favorites. So what do the four agreements have to do with selling? First the four agreements are;

-Be impeccable with your word.

-Make no assumptions.

-Take nothing personal.

-Always do your best.

Let's take a look at what these simple concepts (they may be simple but they can have a profound impact on the quality of your life) have to do with selling as a career.

-Be impeccable with your word. Essentially this agreement deals with the integrity of your word or what you say, how you say it and when you say it. When you lack this integrity you will tend to say what you feel is in the best interests of your ego or your need to succeed, look good to others or even be accepted by others. Selling is not about words but building and maintaining trust and when your words lack integrity or authenticity you will tend to send mixed and even wrong messages to others.

It is often difficult to always be impeccable with your word as we all have a variety of agendas, needs and desires we want satisfied or filled. But if you want to maintain relationships grounded in trust this agreement is at the foundation of all four.

-Make no assumptions. We all make assumptions. We make them to satisfy our own fears, needs, objectives or agendas. An assumption is nothing more than an expectation of what you feel will happen, is happening or happened from your own very personal and yes prejudiced perspectives.

When you make an assumption and you act accordingly you will set yourself up for frustration, disappointment and often regret and even failure.

When you assume your prospect likes your product or service because they said so and you don't follow-up with affirming questions you are making an assumption they are telling you the truth or the whole story. When you assume that someone is not interested in your product or service because they are difficult to get a hold of again you are assuming something that may be true but is not grounded in evidence but a guess on your part. If you assume a client is happy with their purchase because they don't tell you otherwise, this is a setup for disaster. Making assumptions in selling are a recipe for personal failure.

-Take nothing personal. We all have egos and we all have needs and expectations about how others should treat us, respond to us or communicate with us. It's common for someone to take a simple comment from another person in the wrong way or even be hurt by a comment that was not meant or given with a hurtful intention. We take things personal because we want, many people even crave, acceptance by others. As a result we tend to avoid people who we feel do not respect or honor us and our experience, knowledge or even our just being.

In sales taking things that others do, personally, will cause you to spend a great deal of personal time reflecting on your weaknesses, failures, problems or inadequacies. Everyone has a right to their own opinions but keep in mind just because they have them doesn't mean they are right or are a correct description of us. One of the major areas where this impacts salespeople is in the area of rejection. When you are rejected the general first response is to take it personal. This is a mistake. Yes, the person may be rejecting you but the point is, this rejection is coming from their frame of reference or their reality and not the reality. To take others actions or words personally is to give them power over you – who you are, what you believe, how you behave etc.  

-Always do your best. Doing your best is often a function of a variety of factors. If you are tired, stressed out, living in discouragement or are fearful of some situation – these mindset will influence your ability to do your best. If you feel insecure or you have low self-esteem you will tend to not do your best. If you have a need to please others more than please yourself – you will tend not to do your best. Doing your best doesn't mean perfection or even doing it right or according to someone's else's expectations, needs or agendas it means simply doing the best you can with what you have, know or believe. Doing your best today doesn't mean you won't do it better tomorrow and doing your best doesn't mean that what you do will please others but doing your best allows you to look in the mirror and smile and say to yourself – I did my best and mean it.

Doing your best in sales simply means that you always perform as well as you can regardless of how new you are to the profession, how much disappointment or previous failure you have experienced and always giving the best you can to every prospect and client.

Make it a great week and a tremendous year, In His service, Tim

Are you stuck in destructive patterns

September 26th, 2012 No comments

Weekly TimBit – Stuck in destructive patterns?

Most people go through life in auto-pilot. In other words most of their; actions, behavior and decisions tend to be automatic based on previous behavior, entrenched mindsets, ingrained habits, early conditioning and reactions to previous circumstances therefore – experiences.

In many ways many of these actions can save us a great deal of time, energy and often resources for example – the route you follow to work each day, how long you spend in the shower, where you go for lunch and whether you read or watch the news every day.

From a career perspective these could include – when and how you plan, review your day, how frequently you check email and which calls you answer on your cell phone as the day passes.

Each person has hundreds of routines or life patterns that they are totally unaware of and are generally unconscious – they just move through their day from one activity to the next – one action to the next. A simple example is observe the way you dress every morning – I'll guarantee you put the same shoe on – right or left – every morning. Why, it makes life easier. If you had to think every minute of every day about many of these simple and routine actions it would take you forever to get dressed and get to work.

Some people use their free time to read while others watch television. Some people exercise at the same time every day and daily – do many of the same activities like praying, planning or setting goals while others spend a great deal of mental time worrying or fretting over yesterday or tomorrow.

In the end your routines in general either move you forward in life towards greater success, happiness and contentment or the opposite.

How you use your mental functions in the end, contributes to the overall quality of your life. Use your brain and thoughts as a positive tool and you will sooner or later receive positive outcomes. Use it as a negative tool and you will experience a great deal of stress, frustration, anxiety and disappointment.

The brain is a wonderful tool and when used properly you will be amazed at what you can accomplish. Fail to use its capabilities and you will, over time, discover that life just isn't turning out the way you would like.

Routines and habits can be a positive tool to save time and manage your moments – one at a time, but they can also cause you to waste time and resources.

There are four tools, actions or behaviors – you can use if you want to ensure that your routines and patterns are contributing to success rather than continued disappointment.

They are simply – attention, awareness, focus and action.

Attention – To get out of auto-pilot – and keep in mind this isn't always a negative activity – you have to put your attention on the now. You have to train your mind to stay in the present moment one moment at a time. This for most people is a very difficult task as their mind over time has been taught to focus on the past or the future. To give yourself the opportunity to stay in the present you need to develop new routines that allow you to mentally stop focusing on the past or the future. One routine I use is to keep a simple marble in my pocket. It represents "NOW". Whether I feel it when I sit down or put my hand in my pocket – it's a constant reminder to pay attention to NOW. Over time I don't need to do either as I have formed the mental reminder that this item is in my pocket. Simple? Stupid? Well, it works for me. It keeps my attention focused on now and not yesterday, tomorrow or what happened 5 minutes ago.

Awareness – Once you have trained yourself to pay attention, it's now necessary to create a positive awareness. This can often be accomplished by learning or forming the simple habit of asking yourself simple questions. Like; what's happening now? Why is it happening? What can I learn form this? Etc. These questions will tend to help you use your attention and awareness in a positive way.

Focus – Focus is similar to awareness with one exception – it is a decision to concentrate on what you choose to think about. All emotions are caused by thoughts. First a thought then the emotion. Someone says something that makes you angry. You first think about what they said – then you react emotionally. Focus is simply saying to yourself – I have a choice. I can choose my emotional response. I can get angry or I can choose to not let this person push my emotional buttons.

Action – And finally action. To pay attention, create awareness and then focus and not act is to waste the first three of these behaviors. Actions, regardless of what action you choose, when done from a mindset of attention and awareness will tend to be more in line with your objectives and goals than turning your life over to others or circumstances.

Action is required to create the outcomes you say you want but your actions must be conscious and not knee-jerk responses. Taking the right or best action seems to be a problem for many people as they tend to let others or circumstances drive their behavior, attitudes and life in general.  It's what I refer to as activity. There is wrong activity, activity in general just to keep busy and then the right activity. Which, in the end do you feel will move you forward rather than backward or keep you stuck?  

Make it a great week and a tremendous year, In His service, Tim

Why is common sense so uncommon today

September 5th, 2012 No comments

Weekly TimBit –  Whatever happened to common sense

The more I observe people today – from politicians, parents, business leaders and everyone in society, it amazes me how few people seem to have any common sense at all. One of my mentors and heroes Mark Twain was famous for saying – "We need to stop calling it common sense. This assumes that it is common and everyone has it. We need to start calling it un-common sense because so few people seem to have it." This was said over 100 years ago by a common man. Yes, he was famous by today's standards, but a common man he was.

When I observe the behaviors, attitudes, decisions and actions today of teenagers, parents, business leaders – I could list every profession and every station in life here, but I'm sure you know at least one person where common sense seems to have left them at birth, I find it hard to believe so few people have simple common sense.

What exactly is common sense? Let me try and give you what I feel is a common sense definition, but first how about a professional definition. "Sound practical judgment derived from experience rather than study. Or, words like – rational, reasonable, consistent, coherent, valid, logical or sound." OK, it's my turn.

Common sense is when you see a situation, decision or action in a way that loudly says – yes – both in the short and long term – this is a good or the best course of action. It doesn't matter what other people think or believe as their beliefs and attitudes are derived from their unique and varied sources of mental conditioning and upbringing. Common sense, when all things are considered is the only way to proceed based on a variety of factors; experience, knowledge, information, wisdom, objectives, potential hazards, real opportunities and an internal emotional comfort level. It's a state of mind similar to intuition, instinct or a hunch where it just feels right. But beware – if you proceed only based on feelings or emotions without considering some of the other factors above, you might just set yourself up for disappointment, frustration or even failure.

Some people would assume that the older you are the more common sense you would develop. WRONG. Some people would assume that the more education you have the more common sense you would have. WRONG. Some people would believe that the more experience you have had, the more common sense you would develop. WRONG. Some people assume that the smarter you are, the more common sense you will have. WRONG.

So why do so few people today seem to operate from a position of little or no common sense whatsoever? Well, from my perspective there are a number of reasons. Here are some of the most common ones:

– Personal agendas. Everyone has agendas. Some are noble while others are very self-serving or selfish. An agenda is nothing more than a life outlook or a mindset. But, this outlook, whether positive or negative will tend to have a significant role in how you behave, treat others or interpret life in general. It will often control all of your actions, choices, decisions and behaviors. A self-serving agenda will cause you to override what may be right or you feel is best for you alone.

– Poor perceptual understanding. Everyone sees life uniquely through a very personal mental filter. Something good for one person can be perceived as bad for the next person. It isn't about what is right or wrong or good or bad, but how each of us interprets the people and events in our life. Your personal filter will determine how you react or respond to life, people or circumstances. If your filter is cluttered with a great deal of past negative situations and outcomes you will tend to let these drive your behavior and not what makes sense given the current set of conditions.

– A history of mistakes, failure or errors in judgment. No one is perfect. We all make mistakes or poor decisions from time to time. The problem happens in the present when we let these memories have greater control over our present than what is really going on now. When we focus on either the past or the future and not reality, we will tend to bring a dysfunctional view to any circumstances therefore overriding what would seem to be right based on what is really going on now.

– Fear in general. There are only two emotions – love and fear. Fear tends to be the dominant emotion in most people most frequently. If you have a choice to feel hope or discouragement, joy or pain, acceptance or non-acceptance, because of the way the human brain is wired, most people will more often come from a fear position than one of love. (Not talking here about romantic love.) When you operate out of fear you will tend to critique your options, choices or circumstances in a pessimistic way. Common sense, the best or right thing to do, will be present, but it will be overridden by all of the fear threats and concerns.

– A concern for what or how others will think of them or about them. Many people who fail to use common sense are often more concerned about how others; view, define or feel about them or their behaviors or decisions than the person has or feels about themselves. I want you to like me, but me liking me is more important than you liking me. If I am being true to myself I may not make right decisions all of the time based on common sense, but at least I am making them for my reasons and not yours.

– Ego dysfunction. The ego wants to rule our lives. It doesn't like to look bad and it certainly wants to play a major role in all of our choices, actions and decisions. When common sense and ego are at odds – ego will win most of the time. It doesn't care what makes sense or is in your present or future best interests – it must rule your life it must make you look; good, smart, competent, successful etc. Common sense be damned – is its mantra.

– Greed, selfishness or narcissism. Greed is the number one cause of all crime and the need to own more, have more or do more whether we deserve it or have earned it. Greed speaks volumes when it comes to how people behave either overtly or subtly. Greed, if it drives you, will always override what is best or right for you or for others. Selfishness is nothing more than a self-centered way of looking at life. It is about what you get, have or own or who you are and how you behave towards others and life in general. Selfishness says – I am the only thing that matters, life revolves around me so just get on board and with me or you are against me. Narcissism is nothing more than excessive self-admiration and self-centeredness. In psychiatry, it is a personality disorder characterized by the patient's overestimation of his or her own appearance and abilities and an excessive need for admiration. Think these people will ever come from a position of common sense?

– Stuck in the past or future. The past with all its failures, mistakes, successes and achievements is gone. Living in either will cause a person to not see current circumstances in the proper perspective. Yes, both are important – past lessons and experiences as well as future goals and plans, but in the end what you do now matters more than what you will do tomorrow or have done in the past. Common sense blends the best from both yesterday and tomorrows and weaves them into appropriate and beneficial behaviors, actions and decisions now.

– The inability to turn information and knowledge into wisdom. Information is not wisdom. Knowledge is not wisdom. Wisdom is the ability to use information and knowledge in a right way given reality, potential outcomes, historical experience and personal objectives. When a person lacks common sense I don't care how many degrees they have, they will do dumb things for the wrong reasons and often regret them later in life.

– Emotional immaturity. No one matures at the same pace or rate. Each of us learns or fails to learn valuable lessons as we move from one year to the next in our lives. Emotional maturity is the ability to see or view circumstances in a way that you use your experience, wisdom, intuition and the available information at hand. A lack of emotional maturity is nothing more than a knee-jerk reaction to whatever happens, regardless of how stupid the action or decision is. No matter what, in our own mind we justify these often stupid behaviors and or actions.

Yes, there are many others, but if you feel you lack a credible amount of common sense and this lack is causing more pain than necessary, why not consider the above causes in terms of how you live, make decisions, interpret life, evaluate others or just go from day to day in your life.

I believe if we all had more common sense or used more of what we have we would experience far less stress, discouragement, frustration, anxiety or any other negative emotions due to life's uncertainty and adventure.

Want to gain more common sense or use more of what you have more often? Pay attention to the above items and stay focused in the present.

Make it a tremendous year, In His service, Tim

Can you detach or are you stuck in attachhment

August 15th, 2012 No comments

Weekly TimBit –  Attach – detach –

Here's the problem – most people do the first step but fail to do the second one.

What is attachment? It's when we own a belief, opinion, judgment, attitude or principle – whether right or wrong or good or bad. This ownership drives all of our emotions, decisions, actions and behavior. We attach to expectations, frustration, being right, judging others, our stressors and disappointments. We attach to our pain, guilt, obligations, goals, needs, problems, failures, achievements and successes. Again none of these are good or bad – right or wrong but we attach to them nonetheless.

How do we attach? We defend, argue, come from negative emotions like; fear, jealousy, guilt, resentment, anger and our ego. We need to make others wrong so we can feel right. We need to put others down so we can elevate ourselves. We need to know more, do better and have more to justify our values, beliefs and mindsets.

Attachment to anything is a negative experience and why?

Everything changes – one minute you succeed and the next minute you fail. One minute you are healthy and the next minute you ate sick. One minute you are happy and the next minute you are sad and why? Because we have turned over all of our emotions, feelings, beliefs and attitudes to other's influence or circumstances.

Why do we let these attachments rule our need for inner peace, our desire for happiness and the goal of success and achievement?

It's simple – because that's they way we have been trained and or conditioned to be, think, feel, react and behave by all of the influences in our life both past and present.

All of the people and or circumstances in your life now are doing nothing but reinforcing your current values and beliefs. That's why you have let them in – you need that constant validation even if your values, beliefs or attitudes are self-destructive and go against all you can be or all you can do.

For example;

You believe you are not smart enough, not good enough, not experienced enough, too old, too young, too – whatever. You believe that you deserve what you are achieving, you are a good person, you are kind and compassionate. See the distinction here? Regardless of you're beliefs – that's all they are beliefs. They are not necessarily true, but you behave as if they are for you. You own them. They drive you. They are you. And over the years you have become very comfortable with them.

Just think for a moment about someone you know that can push your emotional buttons? What do they say or do that causes you to react however you do? Ask yourself – when I act this way as a result of these pokes or even simple words or phrases from others or outside circumstances how do I feel? Is this really me? The answer is yes. But you can change. You can learn to let go of the control emotions, beliefs, attitudes have over you that no longer serve you or your best interests. You need to learn to detach.

What is detachment?

Detach is the opposite of attach – obviously – but what does this mean and why can't people learn to take this action? Detachment means; not taking things personal, never making assumptions and learning to let go of any destructive feeling, emotion, belief, value or attitude that no longer serves your highest self or for that matter – ever did.

Detachment is a form of surrender. You no longer feel the need to make others wrong, defend your position or views, be right, be smarter, have more etc. Detachment is nothing more than accepting what is in the present without looking back or forward for justification or a rationale that proves your way is right, good, better – whatever. How do you detach?

For starters you have to pay attention to all of your responses to others and outside circumstances. You have to learn to view them through a neutral microscope that is not prejudiced in any way. You have to let go of the attitude that these beliefs, values or mindsets are who you are. They are not you. They are just who you allowed yourself to become over time due to the prodding, urging, manipulation or pressure from others. You can let go of ownership. You can change. It isn't easy and it doesn't happen quickly but you can change and why? Because all of life is constantly changing including you. The difference is to now take direct control of how you change and why.

Learn to stop letting others or circumstances determine who you are, your value, how you respond and how you feel. Learn to have integrity between who you are, really are, how you are changing and who you are becoming. This is true emotional freedom – something we all want and are capable of achieving if we will do the inner work. 

Make ita tremendous year, In His service, Tim

Posted for

Tim Connor
Marketing & Sales,Website,AdvertisingMHSpeakerTrainer-Manager
MHProNews.com= The MHIndustry's#1 News, Tips and Views you can Use.
MHLivingNews.com= Free resource to enhance MH HomeOwner Satisfaction and MH Image Building

See some of our client Testimonials here

Connect with me on LinkedIn, send an invite to connect to:

Tim@MHMSM.com
704-895-1230

You can read some of myfree business building articles on:
The Cutting Edge of Marketing and Sales Blog
Words of Wisdom Blog

Management, Sales and Inspirational columns on the MHProNews.com home page, featured articles.

To join our next Free Webinar on enhancing your Internet and other Marketing, please hit reply send me a message. Limit 12 per webinar, so questions and answers are available at the end of the session.

Divine Delays

July 25th, 2012 No comments

Weekly TimBit – Divine Delays

During a speaking trip to Ireland last year to speak to a sales conference, my host shared with me one of the concepts that his father shared with him during his lifetime. I won't mention his name in the event he would want to remain anonymous but he will know I am not taking credit for this idea. John shared with me that there were over 3000 people at his father's funeral. His father truly positively touched many lives while he was alive.

John said to me, "If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans." I gotta tell you, I just love this line. Now, I never knew John's father so I can't possibly know what he meant by that line so the best I can do is give it my interpretation.

Coincidentally I have been reading a great book by Brenda Ireland (she's not Irish) called – "What is God Waiting For?" In the book she discusses the simple idea of Divine Delays. What's a Divine Delay? Well it's when we set goals, make plans and work towards objectives and nothing happens, rather it doesn't happen when we think it should or the way we want it to.

As I look back over my life I can tell you that God must be laughing a lot. For years I have asked, told him, begged, groveled, pleaded – you name it – and I did this why? Cause It was what I thought I wanted or needed at the time. Well, I really did want it, but maybe getting it either when or how I asked for it wasn't in my long-term best interests or His ultimate plan for my life. I'm not talking here about fate, luck or destiny or even religion just how we live our life from one day to the next.

All I can say is, "God, I am glad I was able to bring a little laughter into your routines because of my pleas and ravings."

I believe in planning. I believe in setting goals and I believe in having objectives, but in the end there are many things that can have an uncertain impact on what the final picture of our life will look like and when or how.

Health issues.
Economic issues. 
Uncontrollables.something better 
Career issues.
Business issues.
Family issues.
And more can all impact our life outcomes and plans.

One of my favorite authors is Dan Millman. Dan is the author of several books but his most famous one is "The Way of The Peaceful Warrior". There were many tidbits that struck me as invaluable as I read this book the first time, but the major concept I took from this – that has stayed with me all these years is, 'release the expected and embrace the unexpected'. Put another way by another of my favorite authors, Oswald Chambers is, "The only thing that is certain in life is it's uncertainty." I'll leave the rest up to you . .

But let me finish with a great concept – "Sometimes God doesn't give you what you think you want. Not because you don't deserve it but because you deserve something better."

Make ita tremendous year, In His service, Tim

Posted for

Tim Connor
Marketing & Sales,Website,AdvertisingMHSpeakerTrainer-Manager
MHProNews.com= The MHIndustry's#1 News, Tips and Views you can Use.
MHLivingNews.com= Free resource to enhance MH HomeOwner Satisfaction and MH Image Building

See some of our client Testimonials here

Connect with me on LinkedIn, send an invite to connect to:

Tim@MHMSM.com
704-895-1230

You can read some of myfree business building articles on:
The Cutting Edge of Marketing and Sales Blog
Words of Wisdom Blog

Management, Sales and Inspirational columns on the MHProNews.com home page, featured articles.

To join our next Free Webinar on enhancing your Internet and other Marketing, please hit reply send me a message. Limit 12 per webinar, so questions and answers are available at the end of the session.

Success and failure are nothing but mindsets

July 11th, 2012 No comments

Weekly TimBit –   Success and failure are nothing but mindsets –

The outcomes of failure = frustration, discouragement, negative emotions, loss of courage, lower self-esteem, uncertainty and a loss of optimism. More of these – certainly. And the outcomes of success = encouragement, feelings of control, happiness, well being, passion, faith, desire and risk taking.

So what's the real difference?

Both are outcomes based on previous decisions, actions, behaviors, thoughts and mindsets. Both are neutral when it comes to their consequences – their role is not to punish, get even, reward or accommodate – they are neutral circumstances which gives each of us the choice of how we react to them and respond.

So, are there any commonalities in both? Yes on the one hand – one seems to be negative while the other positive, but in the end the responses are the result of perceptions, attitudes and mindsets.

If you have a failure mindset don't be surprised when you fail and if your mindsets are positive don't be surprised when you succeed. Your mindsets control every element of your life including these two vital issues.

A mindset – a set of beliefs or a way of thinking that determine somebody's behavior and outlook. It's this simple but the real questions are – why do we allow negative mindsets to rule our lives and where did they come from. Let's start with the second question first, where do they come from?

There have been thousands of books written in the past that all explain the contributors to attitudes and beliefs. Simply put – as we live our lives day to day from the very first day of our life – we are programmed by our environment with its prejudices, beliefs, shoulds, should not's, how too's, when too's etc. As a result of this programming from the world (parents, teachers, friends, relatives, bosses, churches etc) we have formed an inner picture of ourselves and who we are and what we believe. If your mind was filled with negatives during your years and you responded to them with withdrawal, aggression, acceptance and so on, your mind is fertile ground for more of the same. But more than this, your mind now accepts even attracts more of the same with ease, comfort and justification.

You simply reinforce the negative programming you received with daily reinforcing thoughts and behaviors.

The opposite of all this is also true.

None of us when we were children could control the programming we received but we can choose later in life to re-examine this programming and its impact on our present life. Unfortunately this takes a great deal of courage, contemplation, time and inner integrity which unfortunately most people lack – one or all of these – so the game continues even though we don't like or are unhappy with the outcomes.

Why do we allow these mental habits that are not in our best interests now or in the future to rule our lives? I could go on for pages – the simple answer is that it's easier to do this in spite of all of the drama, pain, discouragement and stress than go through the trouble of changing.

Success is a mindset. If you have it – nurture it, observe it in action and stay on this positive path and don't let others – that's anyone or anything folks that would try and derail you – steer you in another direction.

Failure is a mindset. If you have it -ask yourself a simple question – what would be more painful for the rest of my life – staying with this approach that that just isn't working or dealing with it, facing it, overcoming it and taking charge once and for all the quality of your life and stop turning it over to the government, the economy, your spouse or any other external factor.

Make it a tremendous year,
Tim Connor
Business Development
MHProNews.com
MHMSM.com
And the new MHLivingNews.com
704-895-1230

tim@mhmsm.com

The past is dead – let it go. 

June 27th, 2012 No comments
 Weekly TimBit The past is dead – let it go.

Have you ever considered how many times your mind takes you into the past? Have you ever imagined how these moment by moment trips steal the joy, pleasure and success that awaits in your present? I have. And I can tell you with a great deal of humility and honesty that many of these treks into yesterday, last year or twenty years ago have caused the lack of inner peace more than any other activity I can remember.

I'm not sure why I have been ruminating on this more than usual the past few months except to say that recent circumstances in my life have given me the gift of insight and contemplation about the real value of life and its present moments filled with opportunitas as well as challenges and forced me to look at life differently. I'm not sure if you have ever had periodsin your life like this, but I can only say if you haven't – you will – sooner or later.

When I say the past is dead – I'm not implying that it was bad or good, filled with failure or achievements or wonderful memories or memories that make your hair stand on end. My only point is that the past is dead. Let me explain.

Last week you had a wonderful time with your kids. Last month you got a promotion.   Last year you moved into your dream house. Ten years ago you married your soul mate. These were wonderful times. Or – yesterday your car had a major mechanical issue, last month a dear friend passed away or five years ago you lost your job. What's the difference between all of thee events? Well, yes, some of them give you positive memories while others cause nothing but pain or regret.

But in the end they are all in the past – gone – yes you can relive them but here's the problem – while you relive them you are in the past. Whatever happened – happened – it's gone – history – regardless of whether your interpretation of it was positive or negative.

I started thinking – how much time am I stealing from my present by spending this time in the past? Can't change it, but I can still learn from it. Can't improve it but, I can still apply its lessons. Think about it for a minute. How many times in an hour or a day do you let your mind take you back in time and I don't care if it was only twenty minutes ago?

The past can be a wonderful teacher while we are experiencing what is happening and yes, many of us don't learn these lessons the past offers us until much later so I'm not saying don't ever go there. What I am saying is when you go there ask yourself – why am I doing this – justification, self abuse or making myself feel unworthy or trying to give yourself rationales for past decisions, mistakes or failures?

In the end the past is the past – it's gone. So I'll leave you with a few simple questions.

-How much time do you think you spend in the past in your mind every hour?

-How are these trips stealing from the value of your present?

-Why are you going there -for justification? Pleasure? To keep some

emotion or feeling alive?

I have some wonderful memories when my kids were younger, when my career was in high gear and when life was filled with happiness and accomplishment. I also have some terrible memories of times of discouragement, despair, bad decisions or choices, trials and challenges that tested every bit of my resolve and courage.

But in the end these visits serve no valuable purpose in my now moments and they often distract me from focusing on what is possible for me now and in the future.

Keep your happy memories where they belong – in that special place in your mind when you feel the need for some nostalgi,a but also put all of those unpleasant ones in a different place and lock the door and throw away the key.

Make it a tremendous year,
Tim Connor
Business Development
MHProNews.com
MHMSM.com
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What’s Really Important in Life

June 20th, 2012 No comments
 Weekly TimBit – Life's vital ingredients

Think about it – what's really important in life to feel content, peaceful, fulfilled, happy and valued?

I believe there are just seven vital things everyone needs and wants to achieve the above. Yes there are many others and I'm sure some of you would expand on my list but I ask you to consider for just a moment how important these are for you. And these are not in any special order;

Love
Happiness
Fun
Freedom
Relationships
Achievements
Acceptance

I'm confident many of you would include; money, success, a career or satisfying work, health, pleasure and oh so many more and wonder why I didn't include them, but when you are on your deathbed what do you think will really matter to you? Let's take a brief look at these seven.

Love

Survey after survey indicates that the number one thing people want in life is to feel love and or to be able to share love with someone special or others. Happiness is always near the top but consider – generally how happy are you when you are alone and feel disconnected? I'm not referring here to romantic love, but it is or can be included in this need. Why is love so important to each of us whether it's family or friends? Quite simple really – when we truly feel loved unconditionally we feel complete, whole and valued. When we show or express our love to others this also gives us many of the same feelings or benefits.

Happiness

Everyone wants to be happy; the problem is everyone defines happiness uniquely depending on the various aspects of their life. To some – happiness is financial freedom and to others it's being in love. Some people feel happy when they are having fun while others are happiest when they are accepted by others. Many people define happiness as just being free to control their life and its circumstances.
And many people feel extreme happiness when they are doing good, achieving or are successful. Note that happiness for most people always depends on something
else? True happiness is nothing external, but when it is enduring and not a short term feeling, it must be from internal; values, beliefs, self-acceptance, self-love and self-respect.

Fun

Fun and pleasure are two different things. Fun is when you can laugh, play, and enjoy whatever you are doing. Yes, work can be fun. Gardening can be fun and even washing the car can be fun. The problem is most people define fun as when they are doing something that is generally defined as – fun. Watching your favorite team on television, dancing the night away, being on vacation etc. Here's the problem – Many people do not have enough fun on vacation for any number of reasons. Many people watching their favorite team lose isn't fun and dancing the night away with your significant other when he or she would rather be doing something else most likely won't be fun. Get my drift? Fun isn't want you are doing it's the mindset you bring to what you are doing.

Freedom

In America we enjoy the freedoms that were given to us by our founders and the sacrifices of many people since then. The problem is that the bigger government becomes – more and more of our simple freedoms seem to be being taken from us. This is not meant to be a criticism of any individual or group but on each of us for allowing this trend to continue. Freedom is simply the right to choose. What we eat, where we live, what we do and how we behave as long as our decisions and actions do not have a negative impact on others. Freedom is vital for happiness – yes the freedom to succeed and the freedom to fail. The freedom to destroy ourselves with bad behaviors and the freedom to treat our mind, body and spirit with respect and love.

Relationships

Each of us has a variety of relationships with family, friends, customers, neighbor's even total strangers that cross our path briefly. Each relationship is unique and defined by the mutual feelings of both people. When I speak in front of an audience of 500 people I have a unique relationship with each of them – some I get to know – others just introduce themselves to me when I am finished speaking. You have many relationships with many different people. Yes some of them are more important, needed and more fulfilling than others but without these relationships consider what your life would be like?

Achievements

Achievements whatever they are from – building a work shed in your back yard to becoming famous by developing your talent and desires. Achievement is simply doing something that makes us feel good about ourselves. Achievements whether raising good children or volunteering at the local soup kitchen can be considered acts of services for others. The shed in your yard is seen as valuable by your spouse. Volunteering makes you feel valuable to those less fortunate. But in the end any achievement is not about fame, wealth, success or power but in the service of others.

Acceptance

Acceptance of others – for many – equals the ability to accept themselves first. When other's acceptance is needed or sought after – is usually due to your lack of inner security, low self-esteem or negative mindsets. Before other's acceptance of you will have any true meaning, you must first learn to accept yourself for who you were, are and are becoming. This is not an easy task for many people due to their early negative conditioning and upbringing. It can take years to confront and overcome many of the emotional wounds that were inflicted on us by caregivers, teachers, religious leaders etc. So search we do for others to accept us for our flaws, failures and often dysfunctional personality.

Make it a tremendous year,
Tim Connor
Business Development
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What Defines You and Your Future

April 25th, 2012 No comments

Weekly TimBit

Over the years I have observed many people and their reactions and responses to many of life's curves, roadblocks and successes. I include myself in these observations with the goal of trying to determine who I am, who I have been and who I am becoming. Sometimes it's a wonderful story that unfolds with each new day and other times it's a sad and frustrating picture. What makes the difference in our lives and how we evaluate those defining moments and their impact on us?

A better question could be why or why do we not do the inner work that is necessary for a happy, productive and worthwhile life?

No one escapes adversity in life in their relationships, health, career or finances. Life is a journey from where we have come from to where we are going and that journey is riddled with disappointment, frustration and discouragement as well as success, achievement and wonderful memories.

So again I ask you, which of the aspects of life as they unfold for you each new day – how will they define your life outlook, attitudes, behavior and outcomes?

Each of us makes numerous decisions each day that have a direct and indirect impact on how the journey for each of us unfolds. When these decisions are made with a mindset ruled by fear and uncertainty, stress and discouragement and unrealized expectations and disappointment – we will surely create a future with more of the same. When we can find the opportunity that always lies hidden within all of life's negative circumstances, we will have the ability to create a better future where we learn to let our lives be filled with peace, joy and happiness.

The key is in knowing how we chose what will define us. This definition is always grounded in one simple philosophy and that is – when our time is up here and it's time to move on to another life plane – what will have been our proudest moments and our best decisions, our regrets of words spoken or left unsaid or our actions taken or avoided for some reason. This requires the ability to leave here with few regrets knowing that we did our best every day to create a life worth living regardless of the chaos, life trauma or dramas that filled our moments, days or even years.

It takes courage to learn to live a fulfilling life in the face of trials and adversity. It takes resolve to live through life's uncertainty believing in a better tomorrow and it takes faith and hope to know that what we are going through is just – a segment of the longer life journey and that in the end, how it all turned out was more a matter of our attitudes, philosophy and beliefs than what was actually happening each day.

What will define you as the years pass and your life comes to its conclusion?

So ask yourself a simple question – regardless of your current circumstances – will you let what you are going through now define you or can you see the bigger picture of your life?

I have developed 6 new custom in-house employee development programs – effective 2012. If you have an interest in conducting one of these for your employees – I am offering special discounts for these programs for new and repeat clients. If you have an interest – contact me and we can discuss the details and my availability. Here are the new topics;

Overcoming Life's Challenges and Difficult Times.

This program focuses on the causes and cures when fear, uncertainty, doubt and insecurity fill the mindsets of individuals that prevent creativity, effectiveness and motivation.

Developing a Custom Sales System that increases sales success.

This program addresses the need for an effective, proven and custom sales system and how to create, develop and implement it to ensure that your lost sales ratio remains low. It also improves margins and market share.

Personal Organization – the vital skill for sustained sales success.

This program focuses on the skills, traits, behaviors and attitudes necessary for peak performance throughpersonal organization and personal power. It covers A-Z everything you need to do to achieve total effectiveness and increased sustained sales results.

Don't Tell me – Show me – creating employee accountability.

This program is about creating integrity and congruence between people's words and actions. The single biggest challenge in ever organization is avoiding mis-communication, assumptions and mis-understanding that contribute to redundancy, poor morale and a lack of individual accountability.

Strategic Thinking – Blending market reality with corporate goals.

This program teaches employees how to take an effective strategic approach to their roles, responsibilities, decisions and problem solving. It guides them as they continue to improve their personal effectiveness.

Beating the Competition without using price as your strategy.

This program focuses on strategies, approaches and techniques to keep current business out of the hands of competitors and how to take business away from them in an ethical and professional way..

In a rapidly changing world it is essential that all employees regardless of their roles, responsibilities, position, challenges, skills or experience utilize the latest techniques for; improving sales results, maintaining management effectiveness, improving customer satisfaction, increasing new customer acquisition, improving customer loyalty and maintaining positive, motivated and creative employee attitudes and behaviors.

These programs blend the latest ideas, approaches and techniques that ensure that all participants understand, embrace and integrate the best approaches into their daily functions. Our custom programs are tailored to the client's culture, business model, objectives, opportunities, challenges and vision and mission.

Make it a tremendous year, In His service, Tim

 

Do you really think you are secure in any area of your life? – Motivation Booster from Tim

April 4th, 2012 No comments

Weekly TimBit –  Security is an illusion.

Do you really think that people who have lost their home and all of their possessions in less than five minutes due to a tornado, hurricane or even a flood believed that this would happen to them? Do you think people who have saved for years and then lost all of their hard earned money due to an economic disaster ever thought that they would find themselves in this financial chaos?   Do you believe that someone who has worked in a career for years and then suddenly finds themselves in their later years looking for a job? Do you really think that someone who was in a long relationship that they believed was stable and loving would find themselves suddenly single and alone?

The answer to all of these is no they would never have thought they would have found themselves facing the circumstances they were.

Security – is an illusion.

You can save, work, love and live life correctly and expect that all will work out for you in the end but I am here to tell you if you believe that life is secure in any way you are living in "La La land".

Why do people strive so hard for future security when in reality no one can ever know what tragedy or adversity might suddenly come into their life that will disrupt or even destroy life as they once knew it? Is it ignorance – naïveté, ego dominance, arrogance, immaturity or even stupidity? The answer is yes – it is one or more of these that cause people to feel like their life is always in their control or their dominate motive is to strive for these.

I don't like tragedy or adversity whether; financial, health, physical or in relationships any more than the next person but life has taught me a simple lesson – live each day to the best of your ability – plan, set goals, hope, desire, work towards a better life, love and learn but in the end no one can predict or know the future. Oh sure, we can all say we are living each day as it comes but if you fret, worry or get stressed out about what may happen tomorrow you are misleading yourself.

Everyone wants life to be fair, prosperous, loving and safe but in the end consider; over 100,000 people lost their home last year due to a tragedy they didn't expect. Over 2000 people die each day due to cardiac issues. Over 50,000 people die in their sleep each night. Millions of people file bankruptcy each year, many due to circumstances beyond their control.

I could go on and on with statistics like these, but I am sure you get where I am going with this – I'll guarantee none of these people thought that what happened to them ever would.

No one can control all or even many of life's situations or its uncertainty. I have asked many people over the years – would you like to know what the future holds for you and almost all of them have responded – yes. Sorry folks this mindset is nor will ever be possible. Yes we can have some control over the future – we can save, eat right, work hard, have faith and hope, exercise and not have any negative emotional or physical behaviors, but in the end these alone will not ever guarantee that things will turn out the way you hope or want. And why?

We can't control other's behavior. We can't control the weather. We can't control our heritage. We can't control the economy. We can't control nature. We can't control all that has come before us – how our relatives behaved and what they experienced that influences our physical being and its natural evolution. We can't control the relentless pull of the future. And we can't control many of the changes that come into our life or their timing.

So what can we control to ensure a better future, a happier way of life and to some degree or security? All we can control is how we choose to interpret the circumstances that come into our life and then how we choose to respond to them.

How are you doing? Fighting for future security and losing the value and joy of each day as you have it or living today and doing your best, but in the end accepting that tomorrow with all of its circumstances is an unknown entity?  

Let me repeat – security is an illusion

THIS MONTH'S SPECIAL ******** I'm proud to announce my latest book is now available on my website as an EBook until it is released later this year as a paperback.  Musings of a Maverick, Or, What's really important in life. Over 100 topics and 400 pages of ideas, concepts, techniques and proven practices on four subjects – sales, management, relationships and general motivation. $14.95 – order it before Friday and I'll include a copy of my popular best-selling book – Life Is Short (a $20.00 Value)  Just go here: http://www.timconnor.com/book_sales/index.php?_a=viewProd&productId=198  ******* 

Make it a tremendous year, In His service, Tim