Posts Tagged ‘responsibility’

Life’s Ten Vital Ingredients

October 9th, 2013 No comments

Do you want to be happy? Content? Have inner peace? Feel joy every day? Well, after reading over 100 spiritual books during the past two years including the Bible (cover to cover) here is what I came up with. I did not put them in any special order as they are all important if you want to spend your remaining years (regardless of your age) on earth with a sense of meaning and value. You can agree or disagree with the list; I am only sharing what I have learned from my study and research.

Love –

 When I speak of love I'm not referring to romantic love but a mindset of love. Regardless of your religious or spiritual inclinations or views love is the basic foundation of life. Whether it's self-love or the love of life in general when love is the basis of all of your thoughts, behaviors, decisions and actions you will tend to bring peace, happiness and joy into your life. If you lack love the only other option is fear (since there are only two basic emotions – love and fear) then the ingredients grounded in fear such as; anger, hate, guilt, discouragement, jealousy, resentment, vindication etc. will fill your soul and mind therefore manifesting themselves in one way or another as a fear response to life and its conditions or circumstances.

Love is the foundation of every aspect of life and without it we are unable to enjoy life and feel a sense of gratitude or contentment.

Faith –

I am not referring here to religious faith but that is included in the general mindset of faith. Faith is trusting what you can't see, don't know or is not present. Whether it's faith in yourself, your future, your decisions or life in general people who live with faith are not living in La La Land. They choose to believe what they can't prove or lacks physical evidence or manifestation. Faith is a vital part of life whether it's faith that your efforts will eventually produce positive effects or benefits or faith in God and all He has done, is doing and will do for you. People who lack faith tend to be negative and pessimistic. If you can't see it or prove it – it ain't so.

So much happens each minute in your life whether physically (every heartbeat) or the driver that doesn't ram into the trunk of your car. Most of life's happenings happen without our conscious awareness. I'm not talking here about miracles but just so many little synchronistic actions that you couldn't see coming – yes some can be perceived as bad stuff while others can be interpreted as good stuff. But, in the end, it's all happening for a reason. If we choose to interpret what is happening only from a "present" perspective you are missing so much that could end up being a positive.

Faith is seeing all that happens in your life as eventually good even though it might seem like chaos at the moment.

Gratitude –

Most people on a routine basis focus on what they want or is missing in their life. When they lose a job, a loved one or their car keys their attention seems to gravitate towards what is wrong or absent in their life. Think about it – regardless of what you have lost, and I'm not being insensitive if you have lost someone dear to you, what do you still have?

Whether it's health, friends, family, talent or some other thing to feel gratitude for, I am positive you have more left than you have lost.

Why do so many people focus on what is missing? Is it taking so much in life for granted or just pure arrogance or pride? Or is it something else?

Let me ask you a question – the last time you lost something in your life was your immediate reaction one of gratitude for what you still have or did you concentrate on your loss? Yes you need to grieve and feel the pain of loss whether a job or some aspect of your health but I would ask you to consider – how many blessings do you still have?

Growth –

If you are not growing you are falling behind. Whether it's some area of your career, your relationship skills or just general wisdom and life experience, it is critical that you keep learning. I'm not suggesting you spend hours at your computer searching for more information than you will ever need but the simple trait of having a "life learning mindset" where you are always open to new ideas, skills, approaches or attitudes.

One of the common traits that many people develop as their years pass is one of uselessness, they no longer feel valuable or relevant. When this attitude prevails in your life you will tend to see yourself as a victim and spend a great deal of time in self-pity or low self-esteem neither of which will add value to the adventure of your life.

What is your life-long learning approach? Do you read on a regular basis? Do you meet new people and share and learn new insights? Do you reach out to develop new skills or talents? It's simple folks – grow or start dying and life doesn't care how old you are. I know people in their eighties who are great students in life and I know a number of people in their twenties that think they know it all. And you approach is. . .

Service to others –

Life is about giving not getting. Ever watched the smile on another's face when you did something for them or gave them a special gift? Joy was experienced by you as well but the interesting thing is that your joy is greater than theirs no matter the gift or act of service. Why is this? Why do we get more pleasure out of giving than getting? Simple – giving that has value says you care, you are thoughtful, you are compassionate and you are unselfish. Service to others can be simply holding a door open for someone or spending months or years as a missionary but the result is always the same – you get more than they do and trust me they get a lot.

Surrender –

Surrender is simply about letting go – of self-absorption, control, ego needs or for more common themes like power, influence or even wealth. A great book by Ortberg is "It's All Going Back in the Box." Read it. Surrender is not giving up or giving in it's just letting go of your need to know what is coming next or to try and influence what is next and not getting discouraged or mired in self-pity when things don't go as you planned, wanted or expected. Life happens. People who refuse to give up control of things that they can't control live with a great deal of pain, stress, guilt and even remorse. All you have is one moment at a time. The previous minute is gone and you may not get the next one so relax and just be – now and not stuck in the past with all of its failures, disappointments, mistakes and even positive memories.

Hope –

Hope is all we have sometimes. When life seems at its worst and you think things can't get worse and they suddenly do – BAM – where did this one come from? Hope is a spiritual mindset that focuses on the positives. Now this doesn't mean that all you hope for will materialize but at least you are not letting despair or anxiety rule your present moments and you have decided to hope for the best. Planning for the worst while hoping for the best is a wonderful life approach.

Effort –

Nothing is ever accomplished without effort, nothing. There are lots of ways to define effort. There is physical effort and emotional or mental effort. It doesn't matter which form it takes life requires that if you want better outcomes or positive results you have to act, but yes acting in a mature, responsible and timely manner will help the outcome a great deal. Know anyone who wants something better but just sits there waiting for it to happen? There is no guarantee that your effort will produce the results or outcomes you want but you have a better chance of achieving them if you act rather than just sit idly by waiting because you deserve it.

Responsibility –

The world owes you nothing and that includes; you're parents, the government, your spouse and anyone else who crosses your path. What you achieve or fail to achieve is in your hands. As long as you choose to point your finger at anyone else you will always feel disappointed and often like a victim. Responsibility is more than a choice it is a responsibility, I know – doesn't make sense but think about it. Whatever you achieve, whatever your circumstances and whatever your outcomes you will sooner or later have to bring them all back to the source – you.

Humility –

The opposite of humility is pride. We all have degrees of pride and this is normal and natural but the problem begins when you lose your humility because of your pride. Humility is the quality of being modest and respectful – the opposite is arrogance. People who are humble have nothing to prove and don't require your approval or acceptance of them. They are who they are and they don't spend their life trying to impress others but here's the interesting thing – most of the great leaders of the past were driven by humility. Can you think of any?

"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children…to leave the world a better place…to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded."

Ralph Waldo Emerson

In His Service, Tim

Self-limitations are self-imposed.

May 29th, 2013 No comments

It has been said by many people, “that the only limitations we encounter in life are those self-limiting ones that we place on ourselves.” If this is true, and at this point I am neither agreeing or disagreeing with this premise, why then do so few people reach their full potential? Why do so many people feel stuck, out of control and without hope in their lives? Why do so many people give up, quit, settle, resign themselves or operate out of blame, anger, guilt, resentment and self pity when it comes to the quality of their life? If this question were answered in a book by the same title, it would never sell. Why? Because the very people we are talking about here do not want to take the responsibility for their lives. These people insist on pointing their finger toward something or someone else for the cause of their station or circumstances in life. Things like;their boss, their company, the economy, social status, race or gender prejudices- this list goes on and on, rather than themselves and their own decisions, actions, beliefs, values, prejudices and so on.

The truth is, and I didn’t just invent it or discover it, each of us came into this world headed for greatness in some way. We were engineered for success at birth by God and often conditioned for failure along the way by our caregivers, parents, teachers, society or anyone who crossed our path that we gave power to. We have forgotten our heritage. We have in our skull: the most magnificent organ ever created in the history of the world, the human mind, a mind that can create whatever it chooses. There is nothing we cannot do. The skeptics out there are thinking, “Sure, Tim, I can fly.”

I do not have the time nor the interest to giveskeptics or critics the time of day. I have had my fill of them during my life. If that is their attitude, there is nothing I could ever say that would change their minds. They don't want to change them becausethey are happy being negative. This is not about you or me being able to fly -but realizing we can do whatever we put our minds to, as long as we put action into our dreams. Certainly there are some physical limitations in areas or with some people. My major point here is that most of us could do more if we would only learn that most of our ceilings are self-imposed.

What inner mental images are you holding in your consciousness that may be holding you back? Is it the fear of failure or success? Is it the fear of rejection or public scorn? Is it an inner feeling of unworthiness? Or is it some other emotional issue or scar that you have failed to recognize or deal with?
-What would you try if you knew you couldn't fail?
-What would you attempt if you knew you would succeed?
-What would you feel if you knew it was O.K to feel that way?
-What would you believe if you knew it were true?
-What would you ask for if you knew the answer would be, yes?

What are you waiting for? You are in control of and in charge of your destiny and life. The next 10, 20 or 30 years are in your hands, but only if you have the will, courage, desire, skill and knowledge to create whatever you want. You can have anything you want in life, you just can't have everything – sorry folks!

“Self-image sets the boundaries of individual accomplishment.”

Maxwell Maltz

In His Service, Tim

Struggling with anything today?

April 16th, 2013 No comments

Struggling with something now?  Had more than you share of struggle? Had a struggle-free life (I seriously doubt it)?

Why is it that all of us sooner or later struggle in life with; our careers, our relationships, finances, health or a myriad of other life circumstances?  Cause it’s normal, yes struggle comes with life and I can personally attest that as one who has spent his life learning, growing and living with optimism and hope that we can never avoid struggle of one kind or another sooner or later – I know I have not been able to avoid it.

So, if struggle is a normal part of life why do so many people wish they had fewer struggles?  Cause struggle is a pain in the A___, that’s why.

Is there a reason for struggle? YES!

OK Tim, I don’t buy it, but for now I will listen so tell me why the struggles I have faced are good or good for me?

First of all some of us face more struggles in life than others and we all face different ones.  Some may struggle with money while others have more of it that they could ever spend but they struggle with some other life circumstance.  Money, luck, hard work, optimism or good genes will never eliminate struggle from your life.

Struggle like any other life situation gives us two simple choices – whine, complain, blame, feel like a victim or let whatever is happening cause anger, resentment or guilt.  OR, we can; grow, learn, say thank you or accept what is happening that we can’t control and make the best of it.

Notice I just said – control?  There are some things in life we can’t control and there are many things we can.  We can work hard and save money but there is no guarantee these skills or traits will give us immunity to those things we can’t control like; stupid drivers who slam into our trunk, weather that ruins an outdoor wedding or millions of other negative life circumstances.  But we can control our attitudes, life outlook, what we consume, what we do with our time and how we react to things we can’t control.

Simply put – struggle is a teacher.  We can learn from it or not.  If we do, there is a good chance we can avoid similar struggles again in the future. If we don’t, rest assured you will face another similar struggle again at some point in your future.

Yes, good habits, mindsets, values and behavior can help us avoid some of life’s struggles but not all of them.  And why not?  We are human, we make mistakes, we make bad decisions and choices and in life there are always consequences.  Save and spend wisely and you will most likely have a comfortable retirement.  Spend all you earn as you earn it and you will most likely have to work your butt of till the day you die.

Eat too many of the wrong foods and when you break the scale as you check your weight yep – you’ll have to go buy another scale.

Treat your body as a temple and you might live a long and healthy life – note I said MAY?  Lifespan is based on two things and two things only – genetic makeup and lifestyle choices. 

You can control only one of these so you have a 50/50 chance of a long life no matter how you live each day.

Struggle is never easy but consider – where you are, how far you have come, who you are now because of the struggles you have faced and how you dealt with them.

You either have a victim mentality and no sense of personal responsibility or you can look in the mirror and smile as you say to yourself, “I am better, wiser and smarter today because of the way I have handled my previous struggles.

Before I wrap this up, I need to say one more thing about struggle – if you are not struggling now or never have, I’ll bet it’s cause you have never tried anything new, stretched yourself or wandered into unchartered territory in life, you just have an apathetic life attitude or you just love staying in ‘blame or whine mode’.

I’ll leave you with a question – which is your life approach – to learn as you go and keep using what you learn to create a better future or to fail to take mature responsibility for what life puts on your plate? Guess which group tends to be the happiest, have the most inner peace and yes, has greater and enduring success?  Your turn . . .

“The important thing in life is not the triumph but the struggle.”

Pierre de Coubertin

Mid-Week Motivation Booster from Tim Connor – 5/25/11

May 25th, 2011 No comments

Weekly Quote
“I hate quotations.”

Weekly TimBit
The ability to control your emotions and take full responsibility for your life and its opportunities and dramas is one of the key skills necessary for success, balance and happiness. There may be times during life when it is appropriate to feel guilt, anger, resentment, fear, jealousy, disappointment, grief, insecure, blame and hundreds of other feelings due either to your belief system and values or the circumstances and people that life throws in your path. Some people have the ability to experience these various emotions and then let them go quickly leaving no long-term negative residual effects. Others, on the other hand seem to remain stuck in any one of these negative emotions, to their detriment, I might add. Emotional maturity is the ability to see life clearly. To deal in – what is. Not what can be or was or what you want it to be.

Question for the week
How emotionally secure are you?

Recommended reading
Upgrade, Samborn

Mid-Week Motivation Booster from Tim Connor – 01/19/11

January 19th, 2011 No comments

Weekly Quote
“Being deeply loved summons your strength; loving deeply summons your courage.”

Weekly TimBit
There is a significant difference between being responsible to people and for them. Being responsible to people is when you feel responsible for another’s outcomes, pain, failure, feelings, problems, struggles, adversity, need satisfaction as well as their success, joy, achievements and growth.

Being responsible to people means that you know that what they are experiencing in life whether struggle or victory, pain or success, growth or stagnation is what they have brought into their life to move to a higher plane. You are there, you care, you are interested but it is their stuff not yours.

Question for the week
Who do you feel responsible for? To?

Recommended reading
Givers and Takers, Evatt