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Posts Tagged ‘pleasure’

The past is dead – let it go. 

June 27th, 2012 No comments
 Weekly TimBit The past is dead – let it go.

Have you ever considered how many times your mind takes you into the past? Have you ever imagined how these moment by moment trips steal the joy, pleasure and success that awaits in your present? I have. And I can tell you with a great deal of humility and honesty that many of these treks into yesterday, last year or twenty years ago have caused the lack of inner peace more than any other activity I can remember.

I'm not sure why I have been ruminating on this more than usual the past few months except to say that recent circumstances in my life have given me the gift of insight and contemplation about the real value of life and its present moments filled with opportunitas as well as challenges and forced me to look at life differently. I'm not sure if you have ever had periodsin your life like this, but I can only say if you haven't – you will – sooner or later.

When I say the past is dead – I'm not implying that it was bad or good, filled with failure or achievements or wonderful memories or memories that make your hair stand on end. My only point is that the past is dead. Let me explain.

Last week you had a wonderful time with your kids. Last month you got a promotion.   Last year you moved into your dream house. Ten years ago you married your soul mate. These were wonderful times. Or – yesterday your car had a major mechanical issue, last month a dear friend passed away or five years ago you lost your job. What's the difference between all of thee events? Well, yes, some of them give you positive memories while others cause nothing but pain or regret.

But in the end they are all in the past – gone – yes you can relive them but here's the problem – while you relive them you are in the past. Whatever happened – happened – it's gone – history – regardless of whether your interpretation of it was positive or negative.

I started thinking – how much time am I stealing from my present by spending this time in the past? Can't change it, but I can still learn from it. Can't improve it but, I can still apply its lessons. Think about it for a minute. How many times in an hour or a day do you let your mind take you back in time and I don't care if it was only twenty minutes ago?

The past can be a wonderful teacher while we are experiencing what is happening and yes, many of us don't learn these lessons the past offers us until much later so I'm not saying don't ever go there. What I am saying is when you go there ask yourself – why am I doing this – justification, self abuse or making myself feel unworthy or trying to give yourself rationales for past decisions, mistakes or failures?

In the end the past is the past – it's gone. So I'll leave you with a few simple questions.

-How much time do you think you spend in the past in your mind every hour?

-How are these trips stealing from the value of your present?

-Why are you going there -for justification? Pleasure? To keep some

emotion or feeling alive?

I have some wonderful memories when my kids were younger, when my career was in high gear and when life was filled with happiness and accomplishment. I also have some terrible memories of times of discouragement, despair, bad decisions or choices, trials and challenges that tested every bit of my resolve and courage.

But in the end these visits serve no valuable purpose in my now moments and they often distract me from focusing on what is possible for me now and in the future.

Keep your happy memories where they belong – in that special place in your mind when you feel the need for some nostalgi,a but also put all of those unpleasant ones in a different place and lock the door and throw away the key.

Make it a tremendous year,
Tim Connor
Business Development
MHProNews.com
MHMSM.com
And the new MHLivingNews.com
704-895-1230

tim@mhmsm.com

What’s Really Important in Life

June 20th, 2012 No comments
 Weekly TimBit – Life's vital ingredients

Think about it – what's really important in life to feel content, peaceful, fulfilled, happy and valued?

I believe there are just seven vital things everyone needs and wants to achieve the above. Yes there are many others and I'm sure some of you would expand on my list but I ask you to consider for just a moment how important these are for you. And these are not in any special order;

Love
Happiness
Fun
Freedom
Relationships
Achievements
Acceptance

I'm confident many of you would include; money, success, a career or satisfying work, health, pleasure and oh so many more and wonder why I didn't include them, but when you are on your deathbed what do you think will really matter to you? Let's take a brief look at these seven.

Love

Survey after survey indicates that the number one thing people want in life is to feel love and or to be able to share love with someone special or others. Happiness is always near the top but consider – generally how happy are you when you are alone and feel disconnected? I'm not referring here to romantic love, but it is or can be included in this need. Why is love so important to each of us whether it's family or friends? Quite simple really – when we truly feel loved unconditionally we feel complete, whole and valued. When we show or express our love to others this also gives us many of the same feelings or benefits.

Happiness

Everyone wants to be happy; the problem is everyone defines happiness uniquely depending on the various aspects of their life. To some – happiness is financial freedom and to others it's being in love. Some people feel happy when they are having fun while others are happiest when they are accepted by others. Many people define happiness as just being free to control their life and its circumstances.
And many people feel extreme happiness when they are doing good, achieving or are successful. Note that happiness for most people always depends on something
else? True happiness is nothing external, but when it is enduring and not a short term feeling, it must be from internal; values, beliefs, self-acceptance, self-love and self-respect.

Fun

Fun and pleasure are two different things. Fun is when you can laugh, play, and enjoy whatever you are doing. Yes, work can be fun. Gardening can be fun and even washing the car can be fun. The problem is most people define fun as when they are doing something that is generally defined as – fun. Watching your favorite team on television, dancing the night away, being on vacation etc. Here's the problem – Many people do not have enough fun on vacation for any number of reasons. Many people watching their favorite team lose isn't fun and dancing the night away with your significant other when he or she would rather be doing something else most likely won't be fun. Get my drift? Fun isn't want you are doing it's the mindset you bring to what you are doing.

Freedom

In America we enjoy the freedoms that were given to us by our founders and the sacrifices of many people since then. The problem is that the bigger government becomes – more and more of our simple freedoms seem to be being taken from us. This is not meant to be a criticism of any individual or group but on each of us for allowing this trend to continue. Freedom is simply the right to choose. What we eat, where we live, what we do and how we behave as long as our decisions and actions do not have a negative impact on others. Freedom is vital for happiness – yes the freedom to succeed and the freedom to fail. The freedom to destroy ourselves with bad behaviors and the freedom to treat our mind, body and spirit with respect and love.

Relationships

Each of us has a variety of relationships with family, friends, customers, neighbor's even total strangers that cross our path briefly. Each relationship is unique and defined by the mutual feelings of both people. When I speak in front of an audience of 500 people I have a unique relationship with each of them – some I get to know – others just introduce themselves to me when I am finished speaking. You have many relationships with many different people. Yes some of them are more important, needed and more fulfilling than others but without these relationships consider what your life would be like?

Achievements

Achievements whatever they are from – building a work shed in your back yard to becoming famous by developing your talent and desires. Achievement is simply doing something that makes us feel good about ourselves. Achievements whether raising good children or volunteering at the local soup kitchen can be considered acts of services for others. The shed in your yard is seen as valuable by your spouse. Volunteering makes you feel valuable to those less fortunate. But in the end any achievement is not about fame, wealth, success or power but in the service of others.

Acceptance

Acceptance of others – for many – equals the ability to accept themselves first. When other's acceptance is needed or sought after – is usually due to your lack of inner security, low self-esteem or negative mindsets. Before other's acceptance of you will have any true meaning, you must first learn to accept yourself for who you were, are and are becoming. This is not an easy task for many people due to their early negative conditioning and upbringing. It can take years to confront and overcome many of the emotional wounds that were inflicted on us by caregivers, teachers, religious leaders etc. So search we do for others to accept us for our flaws, failures and often dysfunctional personality.

Make it a tremendous year,
Tim Connor
Business Development
MHProNews.com
MHMSM.com
And the new MHLivingNews.com
704-895-1230

tim@mhmsm.com