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Posts Tagged ‘MHMSM.com’

Are you an encourager or an invalidator

August 29th, 2012 No comments

Weekly TimBit-Are you a cheerleader or an invalidator-

Managers have many roles and responsibilities the least of which is to contribute to an employee's self worth and not invalidate them. Do you know which is your tendency? Do you know the direct and indirect consequences of each approach?

A cheerleader – an uncritically enthusiastic supporter. To make others feel valued, worthwhile and encouraged.

To invalidate – to prove that something is wrong or make something worthless. To send a message to others that they are less important than you in some way.

Now that we have that out of the way let's take a look at how people invalidate or encourage employees and their outcomes.

You invalidate employees when you;

-punish them for mistakes made without giving them the positive reinforcement helping them to learn in the process.

-Exclude them from meetings where their contribution would be beneficial.

-Show up late for meetings with them.

-Interrupt them when they offer ideas, solutions or creative approaches to issues.

-Fail to listen to their ideas.

-Give them inadequate feedback, appreciation or recognition.

– Give more negative than positive feedback.

There are hundreds of additional ways that management contributes to poor employee attitudes, behavior and performance as a result of their negative management style, but in the end if you want motivated and productive employees this is a poor way to achieve it.

You encourage employees when you;

-Catch them doing things right and give them positive feedback, appreciation or recognition.

-Applaud their achievements or accomplishments in public.

-Give them the freedom to make decisions that are appropriate for their roles or responsibilities.

-Empower them to act on their own.

-Trust and respect them regardless of their talent, experience or other personal or career profile issues.

-Treat them fairly regardless of their personal situations

Again there are numerous other ways to send a clear message to employees that they are valued and appreciated, but in the end if you want employees to consistently give you their best, this is the best approach and management philosophy.

What are the consequences of inadequate or no encouragement?

Everyone wants and needs to feel self-value and when they receive feedback or messages that reinforce these personal needs, people will tend to give you their best, try harder, be more loyal and bring increased creativity and solutions to challenges, problems or issues that need these important mindsets. When you fail to recognize and demonstrate timely and appropriate encouragement and positive reinforcement you will tend to achieve the opposite.

Whether your organization is on a roll or facing challenging times you need motivated and creative employees to help you continue your success or to emerge from challenging times with success and sustainability.

The outcomes and results when you build employees up through encouragement.

I'll make this easy – read the above two paragraphs again but with a more positive outlook or mindset.

I'll leave you with two quick questions – which approach is your dominant management approach or philosophy and how is it working for you?

Make it a tremendous year, In His service,

Posted for

Tim Connor
Marketing & Sales,Website,AdvertisingMHSpeakerTrainer-Manager
MHProNews.com= The MHIndustry's#1 News, Tips and Views you can Use.
MHLivingNews.com= Free resource to enhance MH HomeOwner Satisfaction and MH Image Building

See some of our client Testimonials here

Connect with me on LinkedIn, send an invite to connect to:

Tim@MHMSM.com
704-895-1230

You can read some of myfree business building articles on:
The Cutting Edge of Marketing and Sales Blog
Words of Wisdom Blog

Management, Sales and Inspirational columns on the MHProNews.com home page, featured articles.

To join our next Free Webinar on enhancing your Internet and other Marketing, please hit reply send me a message. Limit 12 per webinar, so questions and answers are available at the end of the session.

Can you detach or are you stuck in attachhment

August 15th, 2012 No comments

Weekly TimBit –  Attach – detach –

Here's the problem – most people do the first step but fail to do the second one.

What is attachment? It's when we own a belief, opinion, judgment, attitude or principle – whether right or wrong or good or bad. This ownership drives all of our emotions, decisions, actions and behavior. We attach to expectations, frustration, being right, judging others, our stressors and disappointments. We attach to our pain, guilt, obligations, goals, needs, problems, failures, achievements and successes. Again none of these are good or bad – right or wrong but we attach to them nonetheless.

How do we attach? We defend, argue, come from negative emotions like; fear, jealousy, guilt, resentment, anger and our ego. We need to make others wrong so we can feel right. We need to put others down so we can elevate ourselves. We need to know more, do better and have more to justify our values, beliefs and mindsets.

Attachment to anything is a negative experience and why?

Everything changes – one minute you succeed and the next minute you fail. One minute you are healthy and the next minute you ate sick. One minute you are happy and the next minute you are sad and why? Because we have turned over all of our emotions, feelings, beliefs and attitudes to other's influence or circumstances.

Why do we let these attachments rule our need for inner peace, our desire for happiness and the goal of success and achievement?

It's simple – because that's they way we have been trained and or conditioned to be, think, feel, react and behave by all of the influences in our life both past and present.

All of the people and or circumstances in your life now are doing nothing but reinforcing your current values and beliefs. That's why you have let them in – you need that constant validation even if your values, beliefs or attitudes are self-destructive and go against all you can be or all you can do.

For example;

You believe you are not smart enough, not good enough, not experienced enough, too old, too young, too – whatever. You believe that you deserve what you are achieving, you are a good person, you are kind and compassionate. See the distinction here? Regardless of you're beliefs – that's all they are beliefs. They are not necessarily true, but you behave as if they are for you. You own them. They drive you. They are you. And over the years you have become very comfortable with them.

Just think for a moment about someone you know that can push your emotional buttons? What do they say or do that causes you to react however you do? Ask yourself – when I act this way as a result of these pokes or even simple words or phrases from others or outside circumstances how do I feel? Is this really me? The answer is yes. But you can change. You can learn to let go of the control emotions, beliefs, attitudes have over you that no longer serve you or your best interests. You need to learn to detach.

What is detachment?

Detach is the opposite of attach – obviously – but what does this mean and why can't people learn to take this action? Detachment means; not taking things personal, never making assumptions and learning to let go of any destructive feeling, emotion, belief, value or attitude that no longer serves your highest self or for that matter – ever did.

Detachment is a form of surrender. You no longer feel the need to make others wrong, defend your position or views, be right, be smarter, have more etc. Detachment is nothing more than accepting what is in the present without looking back or forward for justification or a rationale that proves your way is right, good, better – whatever. How do you detach?

For starters you have to pay attention to all of your responses to others and outside circumstances. You have to learn to view them through a neutral microscope that is not prejudiced in any way. You have to let go of the attitude that these beliefs, values or mindsets are who you are. They are not you. They are just who you allowed yourself to become over time due to the prodding, urging, manipulation or pressure from others. You can let go of ownership. You can change. It isn't easy and it doesn't happen quickly but you can change and why? Because all of life is constantly changing including you. The difference is to now take direct control of how you change and why.

Learn to stop letting others or circumstances determine who you are, your value, how you respond and how you feel. Learn to have integrity between who you are, really are, how you are changing and who you are becoming. This is true emotional freedom – something we all want and are capable of achieving if we will do the inner work. 

Make ita tremendous year, In His service, Tim

Posted for

Tim Connor
Marketing & Sales,Website,AdvertisingMHSpeakerTrainer-Manager
MHProNews.com= The MHIndustry's#1 News, Tips and Views you can Use.
MHLivingNews.com= Free resource to enhance MH HomeOwner Satisfaction and MH Image Building

See some of our client Testimonials here

Connect with me on LinkedIn, send an invite to connect to:

Tim@MHMSM.com
704-895-1230

You can read some of myfree business building articles on:
The Cutting Edge of Marketing and Sales Blog
Words of Wisdom Blog

Management, Sales and Inspirational columns on the MHProNews.com home page, featured articles.

To join our next Free Webinar on enhancing your Internet and other Marketing, please hit reply send me a message. Limit 12 per webinar, so questions and answers are available at the end of the session.

Self-accountability – the key to sustained success.

August 1st, 2012 No comments

Weekly TimBit-Self-accountability – the key to sustained success.

There are many traits that when embraced can contribute to enduring success. At last count when it comes to success, I found over; 25,000 books, 15 million articles on the net, 500,000 seminars of various kinds and 450,000 personal/career success coaches who proclaim they can guide your journey towards your dreams, desires and goals. That's a lot of resources folks. With all of these resources available to everyone – many free – you would have to wonder why so many people struggle in their search for success. Why is this?

For starters, I don't care how much time you spend every day studying success, researching success or working towards it. In the end you probably need less that one tenth of one percent of all of the available material to enjoy the benefits of success. So what's the problem? Simple – if you lack self-accountability no matter how much you read, study, learn and practice or believe you are doing all the right things – success will elude you. So why is this trait so vital when it comes to reaching the stars in your career or life?

What exactly is self-accountability? Well for starters it has a lot to do with intention, discipline and commitment. Commitment and discipline are very close cousins. Commitment is simply a decision to follow through, stick with something no matter what and not allow yourself to be derailed due to circumstances either planned for or unexpected. Discipline is a routine that you follow and don't permit yourself to have any reason or excuse not to stay the course. So as you can see if you have commitment and discipline you have a good chance for success but there are still two other factors that will determine your ultimate success and those are intention and self-accountability.

Intention is what you plan to do, say you will do and then – do. To say it or plan for it and not do it no matter how many words you give yourself or others is simply being a fraud. You are misleading yourself and not honoring your goals, mission, purpose or plans when you only say it and don't do it. This is a lack of intention no matter how often or well you try and delude yourself.

But the real one that will determine the ultimate success of commitment, discipline and intention is self-accountability. So again, what is this trait and how can you cultivate it or maintain it?

Self-accountability is holding yourself accountable. If you say you are going to do something and you don't do it and you don't hold yourself accountable you are essentially letting yourself off the hook and just kidding yourself. You are living in fantasy-land.

Without self-accountability all of the commitment, intention and discipline in the world won't help you achieve success – you must hold yourself accountable to your goals, plans, objectives and statements that are in alignment with these. You do this by developing benchmarks, consequences or measuring devices. A benchmark is guideline to help you determine your progress against some standard or objective. If you want to lose 20 pounds and you don't develop a daily or bi-weekly device to measure any deviation from your goal then it's nothing more than a wish or a hope. Therefore you develop a list of dates and weight loss goals to determine regular progress. If you miss the mark one day or one week you ask yourself why and then take corrective action.

Consequences can be a form of self-punishment. For example if you have a plan or goal to tithe 10% of your income and any week you don't do this you pay a price and the price should be determined in advance. No television for a week. No sweets for a week. No browsing the internet for a week. Whatever you choose for the consequences of not sticking with your plan have to hurt a bit otherwise they will not deter you from breaking your commitment again. Plus if you don't follow your plan and don't execute the consequence well, once again you are just kidding yourself.

This is self-accountability. To turn hopes and wishes into reality you have to measure progress against your benchmarks and when you don't reach a benchmark you evaluate why and change your approach or fix the problem. Excuses don't count and there are no legitimate reasons for not sticking to the plan. But to make the whole process work you need the plans, goals, benchmarks and then you must be relentless with your self-accountability.

Why don't people exhibit self-accountability when they say they are going to – whatever? It again comes back to intention, discipline and commitment. Lack any of these and you are just deluding yourself with false hope and useless plans or objectives. A perfect example is New Year's Resolutions. Words folks, just words for most people.

To develop self-accountability you need the following – a plan, clear objectives, benchmarks, consequences of failure to follow your plan and yes, a reward when you reach a benchmark or achieve the goal. Every week I maintain my desired weight I reward myself with a desert. Any week I fail, well, no reward. And, everything should be in writing.

To maintain self-accountability you need to carefully evaluate your intention, ask yourself – do I really mean it? Then identify possible areas where you might have a tendency to let yourself off the hook or lose your discipline or commitment – then follow the above steps. Simple? Yes. Easy, No. If it was, everyone would achieve enduring success regardless of how they choose to define it.

Make ita tremendous year, In His service, Tim

Posted for

Tim Connor
Marketing & Sales,Website,AdvertisingMHSpeakerTrainer-Manager
MHProNews.com= The MHIndustry's#1 News, Tips and Views you can Use.
MHLivingNews.com= Free resource to enhance MH HomeOwner Satisfaction and MH Image Building

See some of our client Testimonials here

Connect with me on LinkedIn, send an invite to connect to:

Tim@MHMSM.com
704-895-1230

You can read some of myfree business building articles on:
The Cutting Edge of Marketing and Sales Blog
Words of Wisdom Blog

Management, Sales and Inspirational columns on the MHProNews.com home page, featured articles.

To join our next Free Webinar on enhancing your Internet and other Marketing, please hit reply send me a message. Limit 12 per webinar, so questions and answers are available at the end of the session.

Divine Delays

July 25th, 2012 No comments

Weekly TimBit – Divine Delays

During a speaking trip to Ireland last year to speak to a sales conference, my host shared with me one of the concepts that his father shared with him during his lifetime. I won't mention his name in the event he would want to remain anonymous but he will know I am not taking credit for this idea. John shared with me that there were over 3000 people at his father's funeral. His father truly positively touched many lives while he was alive.

John said to me, "If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans." I gotta tell you, I just love this line. Now, I never knew John's father so I can't possibly know what he meant by that line so the best I can do is give it my interpretation.

Coincidentally I have been reading a great book by Brenda Ireland (she's not Irish) called – "What is God Waiting For?" In the book she discusses the simple idea of Divine Delays. What's a Divine Delay? Well it's when we set goals, make plans and work towards objectives and nothing happens, rather it doesn't happen when we think it should or the way we want it to.

As I look back over my life I can tell you that God must be laughing a lot. For years I have asked, told him, begged, groveled, pleaded – you name it – and I did this why? Cause It was what I thought I wanted or needed at the time. Well, I really did want it, but maybe getting it either when or how I asked for it wasn't in my long-term best interests or His ultimate plan for my life. I'm not talking here about fate, luck or destiny or even religion just how we live our life from one day to the next.

All I can say is, "God, I am glad I was able to bring a little laughter into your routines because of my pleas and ravings."

I believe in planning. I believe in setting goals and I believe in having objectives, but in the end there are many things that can have an uncertain impact on what the final picture of our life will look like and when or how.

Health issues.
Economic issues. 
Uncontrollables.something better 
Career issues.
Business issues.
Family issues.
And more can all impact our life outcomes and plans.

One of my favorite authors is Dan Millman. Dan is the author of several books but his most famous one is "The Way of The Peaceful Warrior". There were many tidbits that struck me as invaluable as I read this book the first time, but the major concept I took from this – that has stayed with me all these years is, 'release the expected and embrace the unexpected'. Put another way by another of my favorite authors, Oswald Chambers is, "The only thing that is certain in life is it's uncertainty." I'll leave the rest up to you . .

But let me finish with a great concept – "Sometimes God doesn't give you what you think you want. Not because you don't deserve it but because you deserve something better."

Make ita tremendous year, In His service, Tim

Posted for

Tim Connor
Marketing & Sales,Website,AdvertisingMHSpeakerTrainer-Manager
MHProNews.com= The MHIndustry's#1 News, Tips and Views you can Use.
MHLivingNews.com= Free resource to enhance MH HomeOwner Satisfaction and MH Image Building

See some of our client Testimonials here

Connect with me on LinkedIn, send an invite to connect to:

Tim@MHMSM.com
704-895-1230

You can read some of myfree business building articles on:
The Cutting Edge of Marketing and Sales Blog
Words of Wisdom Blog

Management, Sales and Inspirational columns on the MHProNews.com home page, featured articles.

To join our next Free Webinar on enhancing your Internet and other Marketing, please hit reply send me a message. Limit 12 per webinar, so questions and answers are available at the end of the session.

How are your mindsets impacting your sales results

July 18th, 2012 No comments

Weekly TimBit-Five sales mindsets that can sabotage your success

If you have been selling for more than a few months I'm sure you have made a few mistakes and lost business as a result. I could go on for pages about all of the common sales mistakes that are made every day by well meaning salespeople, I even wrote a book about it called "91 Common Sales Mistakes". In general most of these common mistakes fall into five categories or what I will refer to as sales mindsets. So, what are the five and how can you eliminate them from your behavior, approach or sales attitudes?

  • 1)Allowing outside influences to impact your thinking.
  • 2)Giving sales focused rather than customer focused messages.
  • 3)Giving more information than you get.
  • 4)Defending price rather than focusing on customer value.
  • 5)Getting set-up with a variety of prospect/client strategies.

Allowing outside influences to impact your thinking.

It's been proven again and again in a number of research projects that how the mind works it is either your greatest ally or your biggest enemy. When you expose yourself continuously to negative outside sources whether the media, nay-sayers in your industry, government B.S. or just your next door neighbor, you are setting yourself up for disaster sooner or later. Consistent exposure to negative influences will contribute in a significant way to your goals, actions, behaviors and overall approaches.

If you believe that the number one issue confronting prospects today is uncertainty and whether they should buy from you now, this mindset will impact how you deal with this attitude long before you are in the presence of your next prospect. Over time these relentless negative messages will take their toll on your sales success.

The answer– Turn these negative influences off. Surround yourself with only positive and optimistic people. Turn off the news media. Start listening to positive messages whether on CD's U Tube or wherever you can find them. Start reading positive stuff every day. Create some positive affirmations and Psychological anchors that keep your thinking on the right path every minute and yes all day every day.

Giving sales focused rather than customer focused messages.

People buy what they think or believe they want or need. They sell themselves. You don't sell them. They seldom buy because of the so-called features and benefits that salespeople have been spouting off about for years. There is a significant difference between a customer driven and a product/organization or sales driven process. The sales driven process focuses on what you believe are the important characteristics or traits of your product or service. These are nothing more than a random set of reasons why you think someone will or should buy from you. A customer driven approach is simply letting the customer determine what you cover in your sales message or presentation as a result of careful and thorough investigation through probing and appropriate questions before you launch into your sales message. One of the biggest mistakes most salespeople make is they "talk too much" and they give information before they get it.

The answer– Develop a long list of carefully thought-out and planned questions on every aspect impacting the prospect regarding the product/service you are selling. This list should be well over 50 questions in a variety of categories such as previous experience, goals, needs or concerns, financial issues, decision process, timing, etc. I'm not suggesting you ask all of them at the beginning of your presentation, but you better ask the most important ones before you launch into your sales diatribe of a message if you want to avoid another – no sale – outcome.

Giving more information than you get.

As I said above, one of the biggest mistakes salespeople make is giving information before they get it. Why is this a problem, why can't we just launch into our sales message listing al of the features and benefits of our product or service? For starters, everyone who buys a product or service will make that purchase based on their own agendas or perceptions. Ten prospects can all buy the same product for ten different reasons. Here's the key – if you don't know what a prospect's buying motives are before you start your sales message you will give unnecessary, wrong or inappropriate information that can or often will doom the outcome and not because they don't want to buy, but because your sales appeal was not focused on the correct aspects of your sales offer from their unique perspective.

The answer– As I said above, the first step is to develop a pertinent list of probing questions. The next step is to decide what the order of these questions should be and which ones you must have honest answers to before you develop you customer developed presentation. What I'm saying here is that every presentation you give should be tailored to each prospect's needs, motives and desires. As long as you follow a standard approach or one size fits all – you will not achieve the closing percentage you want.

Defending price rather than focusing on customer value.

There are three elements when it comes to price and how prospect's reacts to it. There is price – this is what is listed on the brochure, website, car window or proposal. Need a new tire and the price is $100? You write a check for $100. That's the price. Then there is cost. This is what a product or services cost's you to own it over time. Buy a $25 tire and if you plagued with flats – well you get the point. The cost to own it will exceed the price you paid for it. Then there is perceived value – This is the value the prospect places on the product. If they are concerned about flat tires and the consequences they may be willing to pay $200 for the tire if it gives them peace of mind etc.

Poor prospects tend to focus on price. Good prospects tend to focus on value. This doesn't mean that people want to pay more for their purchase than necessary, but rather what is a fair price giving them the value they want.

The answer– First, You have to build value before you deliver price. If the prospect knows the price before you create value the price will always seem high, I don't care if you are selling pencils. Second you have to know how the prospect defines value so you can customize your message by building increased perceived value with each aspect of your product or service. Third, you need to present price in a way that is confident and professional. Start defending price or apologizing for price soon after it has been given and I'll guarantee you'll create unnecessary concern or uncertainty.

Getting set-up with a variety of prospect/client strategies.

Send me a brochure. I'll put a check in the mail. Send me a proposal. I'll get back to you in a few days. I need to check with my boss. It's not in our budget. Need I go on? Every day millions of prospects and clients set up salespeople with these and dozens of other promises, statements, commitments or answers to questions. Why do they do it? Lot's of reasons, but the most common one is they are not a good prospect now for whatever reason. They might be in the future but today? Forget it. Another common reason is they don't like to close the door with a simple no. Or, they just don't want to hurt your feelings with a no and hope with time you will just fade into the background. No one wins when the setup is used as a tactic especially salespeople who waste time, energy and emotional assets while you wait and hope.

The answer

Some people have legitimate reasons for waiting, stalling or just putting you off for the moment. The key is to determine whether a prospect's agenda is real or fake. The only way to determine this is with follow up questions when you get a delay, stall or put-off. Send me a brochure. "What do you plan to do with it?" I'll put a check in the mail today. "Will anything get in the way of you doing that today"? I'll get back to you in a few days. "Let's set up a telephone appointment to talk."

Let me wrap this up with a simple concept. If you want to sell more there are only three ways to accomplish this – learn to do more right – focus on doing less wrong – and how about – doing them both!

Make ita tremendous year, In His service, Tim

Posted for

Tim Connor
Marketing & Sales,Website,AdvertisingMHSpeakerTrainer-Manager
MHProNews.com= The MHIndustry's#1 News, Tips and Views you can Use.
MHLivingNews.com= Free resource to enhance MH HomeOwner Satisfaction and MH Image Building

See some of our client Testimonials here

Connect with me on LinkedIn, send an invite to connect to:

Tim@MHMSM.com
704-895-1230

You can read some of myfree business building articles on:
The Cutting Edge of Marketing and Sales Blog
Words of Wisdom Blog

Management, Sales and Inspirational columns on the MHProNews.com home page, featured articles.

To join our next Free Webinar on enhancing your Internet and other Marketing, please hit reply send me a message. Limit 12 per webinar, so questions and answers are available at the end of the session.

Success and failure are nothing but mindsets

July 11th, 2012 No comments

Weekly TimBit –   Success and failure are nothing but mindsets –

The outcomes of failure = frustration, discouragement, negative emotions, loss of courage, lower self-esteem, uncertainty and a loss of optimism. More of these – certainly. And the outcomes of success = encouragement, feelings of control, happiness, well being, passion, faith, desire and risk taking.

So what's the real difference?

Both are outcomes based on previous decisions, actions, behaviors, thoughts and mindsets. Both are neutral when it comes to their consequences – their role is not to punish, get even, reward or accommodate – they are neutral circumstances which gives each of us the choice of how we react to them and respond.

So, are there any commonalities in both? Yes on the one hand – one seems to be negative while the other positive, but in the end the responses are the result of perceptions, attitudes and mindsets.

If you have a failure mindset don't be surprised when you fail and if your mindsets are positive don't be surprised when you succeed. Your mindsets control every element of your life including these two vital issues.

A mindset – a set of beliefs or a way of thinking that determine somebody's behavior and outlook. It's this simple but the real questions are – why do we allow negative mindsets to rule our lives and where did they come from. Let's start with the second question first, where do they come from?

There have been thousands of books written in the past that all explain the contributors to attitudes and beliefs. Simply put – as we live our lives day to day from the very first day of our life – we are programmed by our environment with its prejudices, beliefs, shoulds, should not's, how too's, when too's etc. As a result of this programming from the world (parents, teachers, friends, relatives, bosses, churches etc) we have formed an inner picture of ourselves and who we are and what we believe. If your mind was filled with negatives during your years and you responded to them with withdrawal, aggression, acceptance and so on, your mind is fertile ground for more of the same. But more than this, your mind now accepts even attracts more of the same with ease, comfort and justification.

You simply reinforce the negative programming you received with daily reinforcing thoughts and behaviors.

The opposite of all this is also true.

None of us when we were children could control the programming we received but we can choose later in life to re-examine this programming and its impact on our present life. Unfortunately this takes a great deal of courage, contemplation, time and inner integrity which unfortunately most people lack – one or all of these – so the game continues even though we don't like or are unhappy with the outcomes.

Why do we allow these mental habits that are not in our best interests now or in the future to rule our lives? I could go on for pages – the simple answer is that it's easier to do this in spite of all of the drama, pain, discouragement and stress than go through the trouble of changing.

Success is a mindset. If you have it – nurture it, observe it in action and stay on this positive path and don't let others – that's anyone or anything folks that would try and derail you – steer you in another direction.

Failure is a mindset. If you have it -ask yourself a simple question – what would be more painful for the rest of my life – staying with this approach that that just isn't working or dealing with it, facing it, overcoming it and taking charge once and for all the quality of your life and stop turning it over to the government, the economy, your spouse or any other external factor.

Make it a tremendous year,
Tim Connor
Business Development
MHProNews.com
MHMSM.com
And the new MHLivingNews.com
704-895-1230

tim@mhmsm.com

The past is dead – let it go. 

June 27th, 2012 No comments
 Weekly TimBit The past is dead – let it go.

Have you ever considered how many times your mind takes you into the past? Have you ever imagined how these moment by moment trips steal the joy, pleasure and success that awaits in your present? I have. And I can tell you with a great deal of humility and honesty that many of these treks into yesterday, last year or twenty years ago have caused the lack of inner peace more than any other activity I can remember.

I'm not sure why I have been ruminating on this more than usual the past few months except to say that recent circumstances in my life have given me the gift of insight and contemplation about the real value of life and its present moments filled with opportunitas as well as challenges and forced me to look at life differently. I'm not sure if you have ever had periodsin your life like this, but I can only say if you haven't – you will – sooner or later.

When I say the past is dead – I'm not implying that it was bad or good, filled with failure or achievements or wonderful memories or memories that make your hair stand on end. My only point is that the past is dead. Let me explain.

Last week you had a wonderful time with your kids. Last month you got a promotion.   Last year you moved into your dream house. Ten years ago you married your soul mate. These were wonderful times. Or – yesterday your car had a major mechanical issue, last month a dear friend passed away or five years ago you lost your job. What's the difference between all of thee events? Well, yes, some of them give you positive memories while others cause nothing but pain or regret.

But in the end they are all in the past – gone – yes you can relive them but here's the problem – while you relive them you are in the past. Whatever happened – happened – it's gone – history – regardless of whether your interpretation of it was positive or negative.

I started thinking – how much time am I stealing from my present by spending this time in the past? Can't change it, but I can still learn from it. Can't improve it but, I can still apply its lessons. Think about it for a minute. How many times in an hour or a day do you let your mind take you back in time and I don't care if it was only twenty minutes ago?

The past can be a wonderful teacher while we are experiencing what is happening and yes, many of us don't learn these lessons the past offers us until much later so I'm not saying don't ever go there. What I am saying is when you go there ask yourself – why am I doing this – justification, self abuse or making myself feel unworthy or trying to give yourself rationales for past decisions, mistakes or failures?

In the end the past is the past – it's gone. So I'll leave you with a few simple questions.

-How much time do you think you spend in the past in your mind every hour?

-How are these trips stealing from the value of your present?

-Why are you going there -for justification? Pleasure? To keep some

emotion or feeling alive?

I have some wonderful memories when my kids were younger, when my career was in high gear and when life was filled with happiness and accomplishment. I also have some terrible memories of times of discouragement, despair, bad decisions or choices, trials and challenges that tested every bit of my resolve and courage.

But in the end these visits serve no valuable purpose in my now moments and they often distract me from focusing on what is possible for me now and in the future.

Keep your happy memories where they belong – in that special place in your mind when you feel the need for some nostalgi,a but also put all of those unpleasant ones in a different place and lock the door and throw away the key.

Make it a tremendous year,
Tim Connor
Business Development
MHProNews.com
MHMSM.com
And the new MHLivingNews.com
704-895-1230

tim@mhmsm.com

What’s Really Important in Life

June 20th, 2012 No comments
 Weekly TimBit – Life's vital ingredients

Think about it – what's really important in life to feel content, peaceful, fulfilled, happy and valued?

I believe there are just seven vital things everyone needs and wants to achieve the above. Yes there are many others and I'm sure some of you would expand on my list but I ask you to consider for just a moment how important these are for you. And these are not in any special order;

Love
Happiness
Fun
Freedom
Relationships
Achievements
Acceptance

I'm confident many of you would include; money, success, a career or satisfying work, health, pleasure and oh so many more and wonder why I didn't include them, but when you are on your deathbed what do you think will really matter to you? Let's take a brief look at these seven.

Love

Survey after survey indicates that the number one thing people want in life is to feel love and or to be able to share love with someone special or others. Happiness is always near the top but consider – generally how happy are you when you are alone and feel disconnected? I'm not referring here to romantic love, but it is or can be included in this need. Why is love so important to each of us whether it's family or friends? Quite simple really – when we truly feel loved unconditionally we feel complete, whole and valued. When we show or express our love to others this also gives us many of the same feelings or benefits.

Happiness

Everyone wants to be happy; the problem is everyone defines happiness uniquely depending on the various aspects of their life. To some – happiness is financial freedom and to others it's being in love. Some people feel happy when they are having fun while others are happiest when they are accepted by others. Many people define happiness as just being free to control their life and its circumstances.
And many people feel extreme happiness when they are doing good, achieving or are successful. Note that happiness for most people always depends on something
else? True happiness is nothing external, but when it is enduring and not a short term feeling, it must be from internal; values, beliefs, self-acceptance, self-love and self-respect.

Fun

Fun and pleasure are two different things. Fun is when you can laugh, play, and enjoy whatever you are doing. Yes, work can be fun. Gardening can be fun and even washing the car can be fun. The problem is most people define fun as when they are doing something that is generally defined as – fun. Watching your favorite team on television, dancing the night away, being on vacation etc. Here's the problem – Many people do not have enough fun on vacation for any number of reasons. Many people watching their favorite team lose isn't fun and dancing the night away with your significant other when he or she would rather be doing something else most likely won't be fun. Get my drift? Fun isn't want you are doing it's the mindset you bring to what you are doing.

Freedom

In America we enjoy the freedoms that were given to us by our founders and the sacrifices of many people since then. The problem is that the bigger government becomes – more and more of our simple freedoms seem to be being taken from us. This is not meant to be a criticism of any individual or group but on each of us for allowing this trend to continue. Freedom is simply the right to choose. What we eat, where we live, what we do and how we behave as long as our decisions and actions do not have a negative impact on others. Freedom is vital for happiness – yes the freedom to succeed and the freedom to fail. The freedom to destroy ourselves with bad behaviors and the freedom to treat our mind, body and spirit with respect and love.

Relationships

Each of us has a variety of relationships with family, friends, customers, neighbor's even total strangers that cross our path briefly. Each relationship is unique and defined by the mutual feelings of both people. When I speak in front of an audience of 500 people I have a unique relationship with each of them – some I get to know – others just introduce themselves to me when I am finished speaking. You have many relationships with many different people. Yes some of them are more important, needed and more fulfilling than others but without these relationships consider what your life would be like?

Achievements

Achievements whatever they are from – building a work shed in your back yard to becoming famous by developing your talent and desires. Achievement is simply doing something that makes us feel good about ourselves. Achievements whether raising good children or volunteering at the local soup kitchen can be considered acts of services for others. The shed in your yard is seen as valuable by your spouse. Volunteering makes you feel valuable to those less fortunate. But in the end any achievement is not about fame, wealth, success or power but in the service of others.

Acceptance

Acceptance of others – for many – equals the ability to accept themselves first. When other's acceptance is needed or sought after – is usually due to your lack of inner security, low self-esteem or negative mindsets. Before other's acceptance of you will have any true meaning, you must first learn to accept yourself for who you were, are and are becoming. This is not an easy task for many people due to their early negative conditioning and upbringing. It can take years to confront and overcome many of the emotional wounds that were inflicted on us by caregivers, teachers, religious leaders etc. So search we do for others to accept us for our flaws, failures and often dysfunctional personality.

Make it a tremendous year,
Tim Connor
Business Development
MHProNews.com
MHMSM.com
And the new MHLivingNews.com
704-895-1230

tim@mhmsm.com

Ever had a bad day? A good one? Welcome to life.

June 6th, 2012 No comments

We all have our share of good days and bad days but in reality how each of us defines good and bad will vary. Win the lottery and most likely it's a good day. Lose your job and for most people this would be defined as a bad day. But wait a minute – what if after you lost your job you finally embarked on a new journey in a career that you have dreamed about? So yes the day you lost your job was a bad day but in the end, looking back, wouldn't you agree that it was a good day.

So, you won a million bucks in the lottery and went on a wild spending spree and before you knew it, you had spent it all and were now left with more debt than you can handle. So the day you won was a good day but again in looking back with what you know now, was it really a good day?

As I'm sure you are aware, good days and bad days can depend on a number of factors both present and future.

So, what's the problem here?

Unfortunately people who have bad days will often stay stuck mentally in the inner torment and ultimately fail to achieve the potential good that awaits them. And vice versa.

Now, I'm not saying that all good days are really good and all bad days are really bad. If you lost a loved one due to accident or illness that that would really qualify as a bad day no matter what and if you got a promotion that launched you into wealth and success that would really qualify as a good day.

Now that I have your attention let me get the three major points of this article – are bad days really bad and good days really good, what determines whether they are? And thirdly are you letting your days determine the quality of your life or are you determining the quality of your life regardless of whether you are having a good or bad day?

The definitions of good and bad (not using a religious or spiritual definition here and I'm not referring to evil when I use the word bad) can vary depending on any number of factors.

The point is that bad for one person won't necessarily be perceived as bad by another and good for one person will not always be defined as good by someone else.

Everyone perceives all of life's circumstances uniquely, based on their conditioned mental environment, attitudes, experiences, history, personal philosophy and mindsets. All I want to establish at this point is that the concepts of good and bad are not always clear cut or specific. There are always degrees of good and bad and these variances will contribute to a person's view or definition of them.

Now that we have the above points established let's discuss our three main points.

Are bad days really bad and good days good?

Why are some days good or bad for people? Is it their expectations, agendas, fears or hopes that contribute to their interpretation of life's events? All of these are factors and yes, many others, but these are the vital ones. When you want or expect something to happen and it doesn't, it's natural to be disappointed, but the real question is do you let this disappointment determine your overall response to the circumstances or events you didn't want as you go through the moments and other circumstances of your day?

Fear is the number one negative contributor to a person's interpretation of events or circumstances that occur as they live their life. The ability to control these fears is critical to stay focused on what is good and positive in your life.

So whether a day is a good day or a bad day in a sense has nothing to do with what happens (yes there can be a few major exceptions) during your days but how you choose to view them or interpret them given your goals, plans, desires and ability to respond in an appropriate way.

What determines what they are?

There are degrees in everything including – good and bad. Being told you have a life threatening illness vs. discovering that your car has a mechanical problem are two potentially negative experiences if you choose to see them that way. But consider, if you are told you have a life threatening illness, but you can change the out come if you change your lifestyle. Couldn't that in the end turn bad news into good news if you choose to see it that way?

You were just told you are being offered a huge promotion with a tremendous increase in compensation – a good thing right? However, to accept it requires you to move half way across the country, something that will have a tremendous negative impact on your family situation? So, could this really be a bad thing rather than a good one? Life happens and in the end how we interpret the circumstances of each day will often determine their ultimate good or bad for the long term.

Let's wrap this up with – what is controlling the quality of your days – your days or you?

We all have choices every day as to how we will handle each of life's issues whether positive or negative. We can celebrate or whine, we can stay stuck or grow and we can bring optimism or pessimism to what crosses our path. In the end the quality of our life depends on our outlook, attitudes, mindsets and whether we want to take charge of our days or let our day's events determine our attitudes and responses.

No one gets all good or all bad in their life, but the thing to remember, as I have said, what is good for one person could be bad for another and vice versa. In the end it isn't what our days bring to us that really matters when it comes to the quality of life, but how we re-act or respond to them.

A person, who feels like a victim or stuck, will tend to bring this mindset to each of life's situations while a person who wants to take charge of their life, even though what comes to them isn't what they wanted or expected, will find a way through the maze of difficulty, discouragement, despair or failure.

So let me leave you with a simple question – are the events and people in your day controlling your life and its outcomes or are you determining the quality of your life and future with a simple philosophy – no matter what comes to me I will make the best of it and be grateful that I am alive.

Make it a tremendous year,
Tim Connor
Business Development
MHProNews.com
MHMSM.com
And the new MHLivingNews.com
704-895-1230

tim@mhmsm.com

Getting what you want

October 6th, 2011 No comments

Weekly Quote

“The only way to get what you really want, is to know what you really want. And the only way to know what you really want, is to know yourself. And the only way to know yourself, is to be yourself. And the only way to be yourself is to listen to your heart and intuition.” – Mike Dooley

Weekly TimBit

Life’s Trade-offs

Today – you will make dozens of decisions. Today – you will receive the consequences of previous decisions. Tomorrow – you will make more decisions. Tomorrow – you will inherit the outcome of yesterday’s decisions.

Every time you make a trade-off you are learning the importance of making better choices now, so you can create a better lifestyle tomorrow and one that you dream of today.

Every day each of us makes a variety of choices and decisions. Some of those turn out to be positive while others turn out negative – but decide we must. We cannot escape the life responsibility of choosing and then acting out those choices/decisions and then inheriting the consequences either way.

Some of these choices or decisions will be insignificant in the long run; what you wear today – while others will have a tremendous impact on the quality of your life, relationships, financial status and over-all success and happiness – like the career you choose.

Every decision you make today from what you will eat to where you will live and work – with whom you will spend your life and what you do with your free time – will have consequences. Some of these consequences will seem to be positive in the present while others will appear to be negative. Some will be realized in the present while others may take years to come to fruition. None of us gets to see the consequences today of his/her choices and decisions before he/she actually makes them. How about you? Would you rather live your life forwards or backwards? We can however predict with some degree of accuracy what a person’s life will look like in the future. There are warning signs, indicators and/or factors that can be taken into account in the present and then extrapolated out into the future.

For example:

-Choose not to read and stretch your mind when you are young and it may not be there for you in your later life when you want it.

– Decide to improve your mind every day and you have a better chance it will work for you well into old age.

-Eat poorly today and you may end up with a variety of health problems tomorrow. Eat well in the present and you might just live to a healthy ripe old age.

-Surrounding yourself with people with negative habits vs. people of influence that help you grow.

-See yourself as a victim today and watch how people treat you later in life. Take full responsibility for the quality of your life in the present and you will live your senior years with the respect and confidence.

Question for the week

How are you handling the consequences of previous decisions? With responsibility? Blame? Whining? Courage?

Recommended Reading

The Trade-Off – Yours Truly

Make it a great week,
In His service,
Tim