Posts Tagged ‘lifestyle’

The Question should be – why not me rather than – why me!

July 25th, 2016 No comments

Have you ever said “why me”? Come on – be honest here – sooner or later everyone feels like some area of life has not been fair to them and their usual response is “why me or why now.”

Why not look at these life situations or circumstances a little differently with a “why not me”. Let me explain.

Think about it – no matter what has happened or how bad something seems consider that there could possibly be someone in the world who has it a lot worse. I could give your dozens of global statistics when it comes to poverty, sickness, death, the shortness of life, poor income etc. but I’m sure you are familiar with some of them unless you are totally immersed in yourself without a care in the world for anyone other than yourself. I’ll give you one – over 795,000,000 people in the world suffer from hunger without enough food to sustain a healthy lifestyle. That’s about one in nine people. Are you one of them? I doubt it.

I’m sure you may have an idea where this article is going – if not – when you consider all of the disease, poverty, hunger etc. in the world I’ll bet you don’t face any of these every day so back to the title the question should be – why not me rather than why me in difficult circumstances?

I will focus on just three areas although there are many – careers and or business, general happiness and health.

Careers or business – The average income globally for individuals is $795/year. Are you making more than that? Thousands of people die every day due to hunger and disease. So, why are you whining? We spend over one third of our life working in our jobs or careers so if you do not have peace in your career – well – it’s simple – one third of your life will be unfulfilling. I’ll bet you know dozens of people who have been terminated or just lost their jobs due to circumstances they couldn’t control – are you one of them? If you are reading this – probably not.

Over 1500 businesses fail every day in the US – is yours one of them?

It’s not complicated – I’ll bet if you ask yourself a simple question – why not me rather than why me I’ll wager that you will come to realize the many blessings you have in life every day. Over 40,000 people die in their sleep every night – are you one of them? Doubt it.

I have failed numerous times during my life but my response was always – OK what can I learn from this and what can I do now – not, poor me, life isn’t fair, I don’t deserve this or some other lame negative reaction. Ever failed at anything – what was your response – point the finger, get all stressed out or just have a pity party or did you just move on – smarter and wiser?

General happiness – Research indicates that only one in three Americans are happy and less than 75% of the population are happy in their careers or jobs. Happiness is not nor will ever be what you have, do or enjoy but the ability to be happy regardless of what life brings into your days and years. Happiness is a mindset and this is not who you are or what you have but your life philosophy.

If you want to be happy it won’t happen with a bigger house, more money, nicer car or more toys or travel. Research over the years has proven time and time again – money, wealth, power, fame or stuff doesn’t make people happy. Sure all of these are great but if you are doing them for greater happiness – you will be disappointed. Do you think someone who is starving in the world gives a rip about having a nicer car or even a car?

Health – There are numerous studies over the years that have validated that the number one contributor to sickness and death is stress and do you know the major cause of stress? It’s a lack of patience or control. So, why not ask yourself – is a roof over my head enough? Are three meals a day enough, is having health insurance enough or do you whine about what’s missing?

So let me close with a quick question – are your issues, challenges, concerns, worries or fears even close to the general negative global statistics when it comes to these areas? If not – get over it and just be OK with what you have and stop complaining about what you don’t have. ##

Tim Connor, CSP

Coaches, Mentors and Heroes

December 3rd, 2013 No comments

As we head into a new year I would like to ask you a question – are you using the guidance, experience and wisdom of other people and resources that can aid your journey through life?

Scripture in Proverbs mentions dozens of times the need for the guidance and wisdom from others to achieve success, happiness and a lifestyle that is grounded in reality, confidence and integrity.

We are all being exposed to an increasing amount of information these days and unfortunately this trend is not helping but often hurting our life journey.

The sequence is simple – information can lead to knowledge but to be useful this knowledge must be applied. Too much information can cause wasted time, confusion and poor decisions. When the best information is applied it can lead to experience and the value of experience is learning that helps us choose the most appropriate knowledge – which actions and decisions worked and which ones didn't.

Ultimately this experience when blended with the best knowledge can improve and increase wisdom.

But – when during this process we fail to use the best or right information you can see how this can lead to poor decisions, actions and behavior . . . and outcomes.

What's the solution to our ongoing life challenges –

the use of (OPK or OPE) – other people's knowledge and/or other people's experience) via coaches, mentors and heroes.

During my life I have had many of these – to mention a few –

Mark Twain, Charlie Jones, Don Hudson, Bible characters, Og Mandino, Catherine Frenzel, Ted Williams, and oh so many more. Their value in my life has been unmeasurable, but I can tell you with certainty – that without them I would not be writing this article or have given over 4000 presentation in 25 countries and written over 80 books.

I can't stress enough the value and importance of OPE and OPK when it comes to maturing with character, integrity, happiness and life and career success.

If you are not benefiting from the guidance of these three resources I will guarantee you are not achieving as much of your potential as is possible.

Yes, learning from these people can take time, energy, resolve and often resources but I will guarantee that these investments will save you time, money and mistakes that could have been avoided and can often be very costly.

Let me give you just one quick example when I didn't pay attention to my resources. Several years ago I started three internet businesses and all three of them failed and cost me a great deal of time, energy and money that never paid off but the bigger issue was the time, energy and resources they stole from my speaking and training career.

It was just another lesson where I failed to utilize the resources at my disposal out of ego, arrogance or just plain stupidity.

Never again. Now before I take even some simple actions – like a follow-up email due to a knee jerk reaction – I run it by one of my coaches. He has saved me some really dumb mistakes that could have cost me dearly.

Yes, we all have experience, knowledge and a certain degree of wisdom but in the end – none of us know it all – or everything we need to know to achieve sustained success and happiness.

If you are benefiting from these three resources I congratulate you but if you are not – this year may be the time to change this approach to life. Your choice.  If you are interested in discussing my coaching services – let's chat.  I have three coaching openings left for 2014. 

"Every man is a hero to somebody, and to that person whatever he says, has an enhanced value."

In His Service, Tim

The “Hurry” Syndrome Got it bad?

September 4th, 2013 No comments

OK, you are going the speed limit and someone whizzes by you like there is no tomorrow – ever happened? Or have you put your life in jeopardy by weaving from one lane to the other in a hurry to get somewhere to then just sit in front of the TV chilling?

There are millions of ways people hurry through their life and I won't bore you with any other examples, but I will ask you in all seriousness – do you have a bad case of "Hurry Syndrome".

Well Tim, how can I answer that if I don't know what you are talking about?

The Hurry Syndrome – when you lose touch with the present moment because you are obsessed with the next one. Clear enough?

Why do people feel the need to hurry everything or everywhere? Don't they know what they are missing now? Yes there are some occasions when we need to rush but my guess is the reason we have to is directly related to some lifestyle issue. There five areas I am asking you to consider when it comes to this hurry issue;

Tomorrow is not guaranteed – 48,000 people in the US died in their sleep last night. Were you one of them? Thousands of people die every day for a variety of reasons – were you one of them? If you knew today was your last day how would you spend it? You see here is the issue – today is the last day for thousands of people but they just don't know it. The only thing we do know is that we are alive now and when you really think about it that's all that is really important. So – how are you living today – as if you have hundreds or even thousands of tomorrows or like all of us you really don't know?

Expectations can ruin your day – The number one cause of disappointment is unrealized expectations. A major contributor to stress is disappointment. Stress is the number one contributor to illness. Get it – expectations shorten your life and why? You can't manage all of them or even some of them; they are in the hands of the Universe, life, God or others. So why do you set yourself up for constant disappointment by life or others when you have little or no control over them? Is it ego? Is it selfishness? Is it self-absorption? Or is it the lack of patience with yourself, others or life in general?

What are you missing – Got any regrets? Someone you didn't call because you were too busy and then for some reason they are gone and you can no longer talk to them, see them or be with them? Your kids are now heading off to college and you think back of all those special times you missed because you were too busy or in too much of a rush to just stop and be with them while you still could? I don't know about you but life is just flying by. I look back on 40 or 50 years and think – where did they all go? What did I miss? If I could rewind the clock and calendar would I do things differently? Not that old yet? Hopefully you will be one day and all you will have is your memories, the question is will they bring a smile to your face or tears?

The past is gone – When I say the past is gone I'm not implying that it was bad or good, filled with failure or achievements or wonderful memories or memories that make your hair stand on end. My only point is that the past is dead. Let me explain.

Last week you had a wonderful time with your kids. Last month you got a promotion. Last year you moved into your dream house. Ten years ago you married your soul mate. These were wonderful times. Or – yesterday your car had a major mechanical issue, last month a dear friend passed away or five years ago you lost your job. What's the difference between all of these events? Well, yes, some of them give you positive memories while others cause nothing but pain or regret.

But in the end they are all in the past – gone – yes you can relive them but here's the problem – while you relive them you are in the past. Whatever happened – happened – it's gone – history regardless of whether your interpretation of it was positive or negative.

Why are you here – This is one of life's fundamental questions that millions of people have been asking themselves for thousands of years. Have you ever asked it of yourself? If yes, have you figured out the answer yet? If not why haven't you asked it? I know – if I will never come up with an answer what's the point of asking the question? Sometimes the thoughts we generate with questions even though we don't get answers is a very valuable exercise. Try it.

The gift of life is about four simple (no they are not really simple but this isn't a book) ideas; living life to the fullest, giving and receiving love, bringing glory to God and service to others. How are you doing?

In summary – Each moment life gives you is a gift. Each breath you take is a gift. Each heartbeat is a gift. These gifts are to be enjoyed now not tomorrow "Do not worry about tomorrow – what you will eat or wear. Today is enough." Recognize this?

All hurrying does is cause you to need to hurry to the next thing after you have hurried to the last one. Stop for a minute or an hour and just say thank you for what you have and stop worrying about what you don't have or won't get to do in the future. Because one day it's all going back in the box.

If you have an issue with patience, hurrying or the stress related to them I would suggest you purchase my book, Peace Of Mind – it can help yo better manage these challenges.

"Everywhere I go, there I am."


In His Service, Tim

Ever had a bad day? A good one? Welcome to life.

June 6th, 2012 No comments

We all have our share of good days and bad days but in reality how each of us defines good and bad will vary. Win the lottery and most likely it's a good day. Lose your job and for most people this would be defined as a bad day. But wait a minute – what if after you lost your job you finally embarked on a new journey in a career that you have dreamed about? So yes the day you lost your job was a bad day but in the end, looking back, wouldn't you agree that it was a good day.

So, you won a million bucks in the lottery and went on a wild spending spree and before you knew it, you had spent it all and were now left with more debt than you can handle. So the day you won was a good day but again in looking back with what you know now, was it really a good day?

As I'm sure you are aware, good days and bad days can depend on a number of factors both present and future.

So, what's the problem here?

Unfortunately people who have bad days will often stay stuck mentally in the inner torment and ultimately fail to achieve the potential good that awaits them. And vice versa.

Now, I'm not saying that all good days are really good and all bad days are really bad. If you lost a loved one due to accident or illness that that would really qualify as a bad day no matter what and if you got a promotion that launched you into wealth and success that would really qualify as a good day.

Now that I have your attention let me get the three major points of this article – are bad days really bad and good days really good, what determines whether they are? And thirdly are you letting your days determine the quality of your life or are you determining the quality of your life regardless of whether you are having a good or bad day?

The definitions of good and bad (not using a religious or spiritual definition here and I'm not referring to evil when I use the word bad) can vary depending on any number of factors.

The point is that bad for one person won't necessarily be perceived as bad by another and good for one person will not always be defined as good by someone else.

Everyone perceives all of life's circumstances uniquely, based on their conditioned mental environment, attitudes, experiences, history, personal philosophy and mindsets. All I want to establish at this point is that the concepts of good and bad are not always clear cut or specific. There are always degrees of good and bad and these variances will contribute to a person's view or definition of them.

Now that we have the above points established let's discuss our three main points.

Are bad days really bad and good days good?

Why are some days good or bad for people? Is it their expectations, agendas, fears or hopes that contribute to their interpretation of life's events? All of these are factors and yes, many others, but these are the vital ones. When you want or expect something to happen and it doesn't, it's natural to be disappointed, but the real question is do you let this disappointment determine your overall response to the circumstances or events you didn't want as you go through the moments and other circumstances of your day?

Fear is the number one negative contributor to a person's interpretation of events or circumstances that occur as they live their life. The ability to control these fears is critical to stay focused on what is good and positive in your life.

So whether a day is a good day or a bad day in a sense has nothing to do with what happens (yes there can be a few major exceptions) during your days but how you choose to view them or interpret them given your goals, plans, desires and ability to respond in an appropriate way.

What determines what they are?

There are degrees in everything including – good and bad. Being told you have a life threatening illness vs. discovering that your car has a mechanical problem are two potentially negative experiences if you choose to see them that way. But consider, if you are told you have a life threatening illness, but you can change the out come if you change your lifestyle. Couldn't that in the end turn bad news into good news if you choose to see it that way?

You were just told you are being offered a huge promotion with a tremendous increase in compensation – a good thing right? However, to accept it requires you to move half way across the country, something that will have a tremendous negative impact on your family situation? So, could this really be a bad thing rather than a good one? Life happens and in the end how we interpret the circumstances of each day will often determine their ultimate good or bad for the long term.

Let's wrap this up with – what is controlling the quality of your days – your days or you?

We all have choices every day as to how we will handle each of life's issues whether positive or negative. We can celebrate or whine, we can stay stuck or grow and we can bring optimism or pessimism to what crosses our path. In the end the quality of our life depends on our outlook, attitudes, mindsets and whether we want to take charge of our days or let our day's events determine our attitudes and responses.

No one gets all good or all bad in their life, but the thing to remember, as I have said, what is good for one person could be bad for another and vice versa. In the end it isn't what our days bring to us that really matters when it comes to the quality of life, but how we re-act or respond to them.

A person, who feels like a victim or stuck, will tend to bring this mindset to each of life's situations while a person who wants to take charge of their life, even though what comes to them isn't what they wanted or expected, will find a way through the maze of difficulty, discouragement, despair or failure.

So let me leave you with a simple question – are the events and people in your day controlling your life and its outcomes or are you determining the quality of your life and future with a simple philosophy – no matter what comes to me I will make the best of it and be grateful that I am alive.

Make it a tremendous year,
Tim Connor
Business Development
And the new

Success or a success lifestyle?

November 6th, 2009 No comments

Words of wisdom for this week
“Man is the only animal that laughs and weeps, for he is the only animal that is struck with the difference between what things are and what they ought to be.” William Hazlitt

There are a number of traits or attitudes that contribute to success and a success lifestyle.  Yes these are two different things.  Success is generally described as achievement while a success lifestyle can include things like; good health, nurturing relationships, a spiritual foundation, inner peace and contentment and many other ingredients.  Don’t be misled, just because you are successful or are achieving success don’t make the assumption that this will lead to a success lifestyle.  It can but it is a separate and completely independent of your achievements.  Let me explain if you doubt my reasoning.

Let’s assume you are making a handsome six figure income, are secure in your career and are making steady progress toward your financial and career goals.  So one might automatically believe that their life is in order.  Well, no matter what you earn I’ll wager that there are still areas of your life where there is dysfunction, disconnect or a lack of inner peace and happiness.  Just because you have a huge bank balance gives you no right to believe that you are emotionally mature, have inner security or can face many of life’s other challenges with poise and confidence.

I am not going to list the many traits and attitudes of successful people.  The bookstores are full of books that will give you more information than you need.  I am not going to imply that just because you are successful that you are either happy or content.  And I am certainly not going to tell you that striving for more is necessarily a negative behavior.  What I do believe is that if you lack inner peace, happiness and contentment that there is no amount of money, fame, power or wealth that will give these to you.
I have observed thousands of people over the years and there doesn’t seem to be a direct link to success and lifestyle success.  Yes, with a lot of money you can buy a lot of stuff, do a lot of things and go a lot of places however, if you lack an inner security these will never satisfy your external urges for more and more.

So, what am I suggesting here?  If you will strive for lifestyle success and not just success you will often be amazed at how success comes to you. Not necessarily in the form of more money than you could ever spend or more travel or the accumulation of toys,  junk, houses or just stuff, but in the form of positive and nurturing relationships, friendships and just knowing that life is good no matter what.

I recently had dinner with my son while I was speaking in Denver.  I am so very proud of the adult he has become over the years but I was just amazed at how often he said “My life is good.  Sure I could be making more money have a bigger house or better car but life is just good.”  That got me thinking. 

Could I say that or could I only say that when things were going well, business was good and my bank account was overflowing?

How about you?  Is life good for you no matter what or does something better have to happen tomorrow or in the future for it to be good for you?

Make Some Memories Every Day…
In His service, Tim