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The Question should be – why not me rather than – why me!

July 25th, 2016 No comments

Have you ever said “why me”? Come on – be honest here – sooner or later everyone feels like some area of life has not been fair to them and their usual response is “why me or why now.”

Why not look at these life situations or circumstances a little differently with a “why not me”. Let me explain.

Think about it – no matter what has happened or how bad something seems consider that there could possibly be someone in the world who has it a lot worse. I could give your dozens of global statistics when it comes to poverty, sickness, death, the shortness of life, poor income etc. but I’m sure you are familiar with some of them unless you are totally immersed in yourself without a care in the world for anyone other than yourself. I’ll give you one – over 795,000,000 people in the world suffer from hunger without enough food to sustain a healthy lifestyle. That’s about one in nine people. Are you one of them? I doubt it.

I’m sure you may have an idea where this article is going – if not – when you consider all of the disease, poverty, hunger etc. in the world I’ll bet you don’t face any of these every day so back to the title the question should be – why not me rather than why me in difficult circumstances?

I will focus on just three areas although there are many – careers and or business, general happiness and health.

Careers or business – The average income globally for individuals is $795/year. Are you making more than that? Thousands of people die every day due to hunger and disease. So, why are you whining? We spend over one third of our life working in our jobs or careers so if you do not have peace in your career – well – it’s simple – one third of your life will be unfulfilling. I’ll bet you know dozens of people who have been terminated or just lost their jobs due to circumstances they couldn’t control – are you one of them? If you are reading this – probably not.

Over 1500 businesses fail every day in the US – is yours one of them?

It’s not complicated – I’ll bet if you ask yourself a simple question – why not me rather than why me I’ll wager that you will come to realize the many blessings you have in life every day. Over 40,000 people die in their sleep every night – are you one of them? Doubt it.

I have failed numerous times during my life but my response was always – OK what can I learn from this and what can I do now – not, poor me, life isn’t fair, I don’t deserve this or some other lame negative reaction. Ever failed at anything – what was your response – point the finger, get all stressed out or just have a pity party or did you just move on – smarter and wiser?

General happiness – Research indicates that only one in three Americans are happy and less than 75% of the population are happy in their careers or jobs. Happiness is not nor will ever be what you have, do or enjoy but the ability to be happy regardless of what life brings into your days and years. Happiness is a mindset and this is not who you are or what you have but your life philosophy.

If you want to be happy it won’t happen with a bigger house, more money, nicer car or more toys or travel. Research over the years has proven time and time again – money, wealth, power, fame or stuff doesn’t make people happy. Sure all of these are great but if you are doing them for greater happiness – you will be disappointed. Do you think someone who is starving in the world gives a rip about having a nicer car or even a car?

Health – There are numerous studies over the years that have validated that the number one contributor to sickness and death is stress and do you know the major cause of stress? It’s a lack of patience or control. So, why not ask yourself – is a roof over my head enough? Are three meals a day enough, is having health insurance enough or do you whine about what’s missing?

So let me close with a quick question – are your issues, challenges, concerns, worries or fears even close to the general negative global statistics when it comes to these areas? If not – get over it and just be OK with what you have and stop complaining about what you don’t have. ##

Tim Connor, CSP

Are you thinking about it or doing it?

June 26th, 2013 No comments

Over the years I have asked myself the same question a number of times: Why can't I or don't I do what I know I could about . . . . whatever?

There are so many people who want different outcomes in their life but who seem to be unwilling or unable to take the necessary actions or steps to move forward.  (I know, I have been one of those people on numerous occasions during my life).

Not that any of my issues might relate to you, but regardless the question remains – are there areas of your life where you are not taking positive action that you feel you could?

Here are just areas for you to consider.

Are you someone who:

-is in a destructive relationship and wants to leave but don't?
-wants to lose weight but can't?
-wants to begin an exercise program but don’t?
-wants to start their own business but don’t?
-wants to change his/her job or career but don’t?
-has a destructive addiction and won't stop?
-wants to contact an old friend/relative and rekindle a relationship and don’t?
-wants to start a savings plan for their future and don’t?

There are many more actions that some of us – could, should, want to or hope to take some day but just never seem to get around to.  Why not?

I can't tell you why you don't or haven't, but I can tell you a few of the reasons I have used as to why I haven't:

1. Fear of the outcome – can I handle the new circumstances?
2. There is plenty of time to do it later – some future point.
3. I am waiting for Divine inspiration to tell me what to do and when.
4. The transition could be painful.
5. It is easier to not do it than do it.
6. I just feel lazy.
7. I need a healthy shot of discipline.
8. I need a support system to begin.
9. I don't have the time.
10. I don't have the money.
11. I’ve tried it before and failed.
12. I don’t really want to.

That's enough, I am starting to get depressed.

The point is: to ask yourself a simple question and don't stop asking until

you get a legitimate answer.  Don't let yourself off the hook too soon or too easily:

So the t question –

Why can't you or aren't you taking the appropriate action that would improve your life, reduce your stress or help you live longer and be happier and more successful?

"Think like a man of action, act like a man of thought."

Henri Bergson

In His Service, Tim

Have you ever wondered what your life would be life if 

June 13th, 2012 No comments

Have you ever wondered how your life might have turned out differently had you made different choices or decisions along the way? If you had made different career decisions or relationship ones? If you had developed a different life philosophy or attitudes as the years passed? Over time you learned to define adversity, failure or success differently?

I could ask you hundreds of questions like these, but the real question is – are you content and happy with the choices you have made and how they have turned out or are you carrying around some regrets in your mind or life as you look back as well as look ahead to what might be next?

Life is an ongoing adventure, one which we can control some things but not everything. So another question might be – how are you controlling those things that are within your control and how are you dealing with those that you lack control of?

I love thought-provoking questions, they always force me to consider and reconsider previous choices, decisions, actions and behaviors. Do you have the habit of asking yourself challenging and often painful questions or do you just slide from one day and one year to the next grounded in assumptions, conventional wisdom, apparent emotional comfort and the status quo? Do you have the courage to confront those areas of your life that might be or could be better or different or do you settle easily or quickly when life throws you a difficult issue or situation?

As you move from year to year or even month to month why not ask yourself a simple yet often painful question – how would you like your life to be different in the future? How about one more. What are you willing to do, stop doing, start, change or modify in your life in some way to begin to create the future you envision for yourself? It could be a financial, relationship, health or spiritual area or some combination of these.

One of my favorite lines I read years ago is – don't die wondering. What does this mean exactly? To me it implies that I always have the power of choice but another probing question is – do I have the power of will?

Often in my life I have been faced with opposing issues and both or either from a realistic perspective seemed right at the time. Often this attitude was grounded in either arrogance or ignorance and an unwillingness to really pick apart the particular issue. I can recall years ago when trying to make, no justify, a relationship decision, feeling either choice was right at the time. But I can tell you that even though in my mind both appeared on the surface to be justified and acceptable my heart kept pulling in one direction one minute then a totally different direction the next minute. If I had been honest with myself, I really didn't know what to do. It is often difficult to trust your mind that is often driven by ego needs rather than your heart that just wants you to know peace and happiness.

Back and forth the battle continued. This or that? Now or later? Should I or shouldn't I? This endless inner battle was exhausting, painful and often stressful. I know what I want and either decision will give me that but I can't do or have both. A dilemma – you betcha. Was I able to resolve it over time? Well that depends. Often we justify our choices and decisions for the wrong reasons. Ever done that? If your answer is no, I would ask you – are you really being honest with yourself.

So, you might ask, what's the answer or solution?

For me it was trying to figure out what would cause this heart-pain to leave me and when and if I could do that the choice became clear. Not all choices or decisions are that simple and many can take hours or even weeks of contemplation. But in the end you have to choose and that's often the difficult challenge because you may want both. Often you can have both but if there is conflicting outcomes or motives the choice must be made.

Sometimes you just have to – let go and trust. Trust what? Feelings? Emotions? Inner pain? Other's opinions or suggestions? Your history and previous lessons? See what I mean, this can be very a difficult process, I know, I have been through it many times in my life.

Sometimes I chose wisely for the right reasons. Sometimes I chose rightly for the wrong reasons.  In the end what really matters is inner peace, contentment and happiness. 

Make it a tremendous year,
Tim Connor
Business Development
MHProNews.com
MHMSM.com
And the new MHLivingNews.com
704-895-1230

tim@mhmsm.com

You pay the price – one way or another

August 20th, 2010 No comments

Words of wisdom for this week

“We learn nothing when we succeed. We only learn when we fail.”
~ Verner Von Braun

In life, we either pay the price of discipline or the price of regret. We pay these prices in all areas of our life: our careers, relationships, health, spiritual development, and financial affairs. It is unfortunate that many of us, yours truly included, fail to comprehend this simple law of life.

Let me explain. The laws that apply to all of life’s issues such as discipline, commitment, patience, integrity, practice, self-control, and focus either help us live with freedom, peace and harmony, or heartache, failure, regrets and misfortune as we move along the path of life. Much of the latter could be avoided (not all of it) if we would understand, accept and integrate this simple truth into our lives.

The price of discipline is that daily dose of exercise, that moderation in our life affairs, our eating habits, our relationship strategies such as open and honest communication, and managing our resources wisely. The lack of these daily little disciplines accumulate day by day and year by year until each of us inherits the consequences of these misdeeds.

I have had many personal experiences where the daily lack of discipline one day came back and haunted me. I am discovering through these learning experiences that no one is immune to this truth. Arrogance, ignorance or a combination of both is no excuse, and life really doesn’t give a twit if you claim either. We pay one way or another. And discipline weighs ounces, while regrets weigh tons.

The pain of discipline is nothing compared to the sting of regret.

One way to determine which you are paying is to:

  1. Pay attention to your quiet, yet persistent, inner voice urging you to change something, anything, everything.
  2. Listen to the people around you: relatives, friends, associates. Are they trying to tell you something?
  3. Look at past areas of your life in which you have experienced regret of some kind. Are you repeating old behaviors?
  4. Tune in to life – its issues, demands, expectations, and all of the voices, signals and messages you are receiving.

Copyright: 8/2010 Tim Connor, CSP – Connor Resource Group

REPRINT PERMISSION: Feel free to reprint this article in any publication as long as you give proper credit to the author: Please include all of the following in your credit line: Tim Connor, CSP World renowned Speaker, Trainer and best selling author of 75 titles, Box 397, Davidson, N.C. 28036 USA, 704-895-1230 (voice) – 704-895-1231 (fax) – tim@timconnor.com (email) – www.timconnor.com (Website)