Posts Tagged ‘feelings’

Stress is a performance – killer

May 15th, 2013 No comments

Let me be clear from the onset Unmanaged stress contributes to more mistakes, poor decisions, mistrust, inconsistent morale and poor employee performance in general.

There are any number of issues that contribute to this stress issue a few of the major ones are;

-Ongoing change
-A lack of appreciation, recognition and validation
-Work overload
-Constant deadlines
-Poor organization communication
-Inadequate employee development
-Fear of what’s next
-Poor top-down and/or inconsistent management

Every activity (other than sitting on the beach reading your favorite novel) causes stress.Yes, everything. Winning the lotto, playing with your favorite pet, a wedding, a divorce, hiking your favorite trail, taking dance lessons, losing a job, starting a new one etc. etc. In essence there are good and bad stressors, but in the end they all have the same impact on your health and mental circumstances. And why? Because the mind doesn’t judge it treats all stressors the same as stress.

What is stress it is what is happening outside of you circumstances, situations, people you meet, what you are doing etc. and how you interpret what is happening and how you choose to respond internally to these.In other words – stress is your inside-out reactions and responses to outside-in circumstances, people and events.

Now that we have this out of the way let’s discuss three areas why and how is everything a stressor, what is the impact of poorly managed stress, what can we do to better control our stressors so they don’t kill us.

– Why and how is everything a stressor . . .

The mind is a sponge it takes in everything the stuff you want (the good stuff) and the stuff you don’t want bad stuff (yes there are some people who have learned how to filter out the bad stuff but sooner or later some of this junk gets into everyone’s mind like it or not.

What’s the bad stuff? Negative emotions and feelings caused by others, invalidating statements by many and just disappointment due to unrealized or hoped for expectations or desires. Why is this bad stuff?It really isn’t bad stuff, it’s just stuff, what makes it bad is our interpretation of it and reaction to it.

So you are thinking, “I just lost my job, my relationship is in a shambles and I have a serious health challenge – how is this just stuff?Come on get real here.”

I don’t have the time or energy to give you all of the research, evidence and reasons to support my theory – so here’s just one.

You lost a job, yes but I’ll bet a new door will open (if you will let it) that can be even a better job.Does this always happen? Of course not, but it can if you will let it and bring the right mindset to what is happening now.

You can choose to stay stuck in ‘victimhood’ or blame or any other negative attitude or you can learn, grow and move on with dignity, responsibility, courage and faith as a result of this situation.Here’s the problem if you choose to stay stuck in the negatives you will tend to increase your stressors over time and the outcome as I have previously said can be life threatening.Life happens.Period.We do the best we can with what it gives us or we can complain, whine or point our finger everywhere except at ourselves.Simple choice.

So to answer the question – everything that comes at us is a potential stressor a bad driver behind us, a poor waiter or waitress, bad weather on your day off I could go on for pages with this stuff but I’m sure you have better things to do (potential stressors waiting in the wings).

– What is the impact of poorly managed stress. . .

Let me just give you a simple list here;

– Poor health
– More worry
– Increased fear of the future
– Negative impact on all relationships
– Less productivity
– Wasted time
– Poorer or less open and honest communication
– Greater chance of an auto accident
– Increased medical costs
– More anxiety and frustration
– Less financial security

Not a pretty picture, I know but it is what it is.Under stress not everyone faces the same outcomes some people develop negative health issues while others may just ruin a relationship but the outcome is the same things get worse rather than better.


– What can we do to better control our stressors . . .

I’m sure you are running out of time or patience so I’ll leave you with a list.

-Eat more healthy foods.
-Exercise at least 20 minutes a day 3 X per week.
-Laugh more.
-Have more fun.
-Better manage your relationships with toxic or negative people.
-Spend more time with optimistic positive people.
-Let go of old emotional baggage.
-Don’t let other people’s garbage become yours.
-Get more sleep.
-Work on your patience.
-Control what you can and let go of what you can’t control.
-Don’t focus on the negatives in life.
-Stay focused on what’s really important.
-Use visualization, affirmations or meditation.And yes, prayer.
-Better manage your expectations.
-Stay in the present moment.
-Use psychological anchors.Not sure what these are? Check my article Archives.
-The world doesn’t revolve around you.Get over it.
-And finally Life is very short and passes by quickly so feel gratitude every day for all of the gifts God and Life gives you.

If stress is an issue for your employees, members or distributors/franchisees give me a call I have a three hour program that will help them reduce the negative impact of the stressors that are impacting their attitudes, mindsets and behavior in general.

“In times of stress be bold and valiant.”


In His Service, Tim

Is your communication grounded in honesty – no matter what?

April 10th, 2013 No comments

My latest book, Blah. . . Blah . . . Blah – Don’t Tell Me – Show Me will be coming off the press in a few weeks so I thought I would give you a brief excerpt. If integrity based and honest communication is important to you in any or all of your relationships I encourage you to buy this book. At the end of the excerpt I will give you a special pre-publication sales offer.

Excerpt from chapter one –

Words are more than words, they are the way we communicate feelings, attitudes, beliefs, fears, hopes, dreams and so on, so if you keep telling the world you are going to do whatever it takes to accomplish something and the first time you hit a snag, you give in or up, well what were your real intentions? What gives words their integrity when it comes to interpretation is both your intent and the ability or willingness of the other person to grasp what your meaning is.

It’s simple, if you say one thing (stated intention) I’m going to lose weight and you don’t, well what do you think your real intention was?  You guessed it, to not lose weight.  So what’s the problem here?  Nothing unless you’re stated intentions don’t impact me.

Animals don’t get disappointed and why?  It’s simple – they don’t talk.  Yes they communicate but they don’t use words they use behavior and non-verbal methods of communication.  Yes there are a few exceptions, Those African Grey Parrots that talk. I’ve actually had a conversation with one of these, but I have to wonder was this just mimicking or thoughtful expression?

Can dogs smile?  No, but can they send you messages that they are happy? Yes.  Do cat’s laugh?  No, but they can send the message that they are in a playful state of mind.

Humans are the only known specie that communicates with reasoning or thought on two levels – verbal, non-verbal,

And here’s where the trouble begins, when there is an inconsistency between the verbal or spoken message and the non-verbal message.

Ever had a person tell you they loved you with words but their actions were totally inconsistent with these words?

Ever had someone say “I’ll call you” and they never did?

Ever heard, “I’ll get that done this week” and it didn’t happen?

Told someone that you would meet them at noon for lunch and they were late due to some last minute piddling?

Billions of statements like this are made every day.  Yes, sometimes legitimate things can get in the way of your promises or commitments but the question is – generally speaking – are you always true to your word? Are others in your life always true to theirs?  If not – how do you think it impacts your relationships with over time?  Think about it.

“The first ingredient in communication is truth, the next good sense, the third good humor and the fourth wit.”

Sir W. Temple


In His Service,


Success and failure are nothing but mindsets

July 11th, 2012 No comments

Weekly TimBit –   Success and failure are nothing but mindsets –

The outcomes of failure = frustration, discouragement, negative emotions, loss of courage, lower self-esteem, uncertainty and a loss of optimism. More of these – certainly. And the outcomes of success = encouragement, feelings of control, happiness, well being, passion, faith, desire and risk taking.

So what's the real difference?

Both are outcomes based on previous decisions, actions, behaviors, thoughts and mindsets. Both are neutral when it comes to their consequences – their role is not to punish, get even, reward or accommodate – they are neutral circumstances which gives each of us the choice of how we react to them and respond.

So, are there any commonalities in both? Yes on the one hand – one seems to be negative while the other positive, but in the end the responses are the result of perceptions, attitudes and mindsets.

If you have a failure mindset don't be surprised when you fail and if your mindsets are positive don't be surprised when you succeed. Your mindsets control every element of your life including these two vital issues.

A mindset – a set of beliefs or a way of thinking that determine somebody's behavior and outlook. It's this simple but the real questions are – why do we allow negative mindsets to rule our lives and where did they come from. Let's start with the second question first, where do they come from?

There have been thousands of books written in the past that all explain the contributors to attitudes and beliefs. Simply put – as we live our lives day to day from the very first day of our life – we are programmed by our environment with its prejudices, beliefs, shoulds, should not's, how too's, when too's etc. As a result of this programming from the world (parents, teachers, friends, relatives, bosses, churches etc) we have formed an inner picture of ourselves and who we are and what we believe. If your mind was filled with negatives during your years and you responded to them with withdrawal, aggression, acceptance and so on, your mind is fertile ground for more of the same. But more than this, your mind now accepts even attracts more of the same with ease, comfort and justification.

You simply reinforce the negative programming you received with daily reinforcing thoughts and behaviors.

The opposite of all this is also true.

None of us when we were children could control the programming we received but we can choose later in life to re-examine this programming and its impact on our present life. Unfortunately this takes a great deal of courage, contemplation, time and inner integrity which unfortunately most people lack – one or all of these – so the game continues even though we don't like or are unhappy with the outcomes.

Why do we allow these mental habits that are not in our best interests now or in the future to rule our lives? I could go on for pages – the simple answer is that it's easier to do this in spite of all of the drama, pain, discouragement and stress than go through the trouble of changing.

Success is a mindset. If you have it – nurture it, observe it in action and stay on this positive path and don't let others – that's anyone or anything folks that would try and derail you – steer you in another direction.

Failure is a mindset. If you have it -ask yourself a simple question – what would be more painful for the rest of my life – staying with this approach that that just isn't working or dealing with it, facing it, overcoming it and taking charge once and for all the quality of your life and stop turning it over to the government, the economy, your spouse or any other external factor.

Make it a tremendous year,
Tim Connor
Business Development
And the new

What’s Really Important in Life

June 20th, 2012 No comments
 Weekly TimBit – Life's vital ingredients

Think about it – what's really important in life to feel content, peaceful, fulfilled, happy and valued?

I believe there are just seven vital things everyone needs and wants to achieve the above. Yes there are many others and I'm sure some of you would expand on my list but I ask you to consider for just a moment how important these are for you. And these are not in any special order;


I'm confident many of you would include; money, success, a career or satisfying work, health, pleasure and oh so many more and wonder why I didn't include them, but when you are on your deathbed what do you think will really matter to you? Let's take a brief look at these seven.


Survey after survey indicates that the number one thing people want in life is to feel love and or to be able to share love with someone special or others. Happiness is always near the top but consider – generally how happy are you when you are alone and feel disconnected? I'm not referring here to romantic love, but it is or can be included in this need. Why is love so important to each of us whether it's family or friends? Quite simple really – when we truly feel loved unconditionally we feel complete, whole and valued. When we show or express our love to others this also gives us many of the same feelings or benefits.


Everyone wants to be happy; the problem is everyone defines happiness uniquely depending on the various aspects of their life. To some – happiness is financial freedom and to others it's being in love. Some people feel happy when they are having fun while others are happiest when they are accepted by others. Many people define happiness as just being free to control their life and its circumstances.
And many people feel extreme happiness when they are doing good, achieving or are successful. Note that happiness for most people always depends on something
else? True happiness is nothing external, but when it is enduring and not a short term feeling, it must be from internal; values, beliefs, self-acceptance, self-love and self-respect.


Fun and pleasure are two different things. Fun is when you can laugh, play, and enjoy whatever you are doing. Yes, work can be fun. Gardening can be fun and even washing the car can be fun. The problem is most people define fun as when they are doing something that is generally defined as – fun. Watching your favorite team on television, dancing the night away, being on vacation etc. Here's the problem – Many people do not have enough fun on vacation for any number of reasons. Many people watching their favorite team lose isn't fun and dancing the night away with your significant other when he or she would rather be doing something else most likely won't be fun. Get my drift? Fun isn't want you are doing it's the mindset you bring to what you are doing.


In America we enjoy the freedoms that were given to us by our founders and the sacrifices of many people since then. The problem is that the bigger government becomes – more and more of our simple freedoms seem to be being taken from us. This is not meant to be a criticism of any individual or group but on each of us for allowing this trend to continue. Freedom is simply the right to choose. What we eat, where we live, what we do and how we behave as long as our decisions and actions do not have a negative impact on others. Freedom is vital for happiness – yes the freedom to succeed and the freedom to fail. The freedom to destroy ourselves with bad behaviors and the freedom to treat our mind, body and spirit with respect and love.


Each of us has a variety of relationships with family, friends, customers, neighbor's even total strangers that cross our path briefly. Each relationship is unique and defined by the mutual feelings of both people. When I speak in front of an audience of 500 people I have a unique relationship with each of them – some I get to know – others just introduce themselves to me when I am finished speaking. You have many relationships with many different people. Yes some of them are more important, needed and more fulfilling than others but without these relationships consider what your life would be like?


Achievements whatever they are from – building a work shed in your back yard to becoming famous by developing your talent and desires. Achievement is simply doing something that makes us feel good about ourselves. Achievements whether raising good children or volunteering at the local soup kitchen can be considered acts of services for others. The shed in your yard is seen as valuable by your spouse. Volunteering makes you feel valuable to those less fortunate. But in the end any achievement is not about fame, wealth, success or power but in the service of others.


Acceptance of others – for many – equals the ability to accept themselves first. When other's acceptance is needed or sought after – is usually due to your lack of inner security, low self-esteem or negative mindsets. Before other's acceptance of you will have any true meaning, you must first learn to accept yourself for who you were, are and are becoming. This is not an easy task for many people due to their early negative conditioning and upbringing. It can take years to confront and overcome many of the emotional wounds that were inflicted on us by caregivers, teachers, religious leaders etc. So search we do for others to accept us for our flaws, failures and often dysfunctional personality.

Make it a tremendous year,
Tim Connor
Business Development
And the new