Words of Wisdom

Weekly Quote

Weekly Quote

“Learn to see the world in its true light, for it will enable you to live pleasantly, to do good and when summoned away, leave without regret.” Robert E Lee

Weekly TimBit

Thinking, feeling, acting As 2012 begins and I consider all of the disappointments, mistakes and achievements and unrealized dreams of the past 12 months I have to wonder how are my attitudes, behaviors, expectations, beliefs and feelings contributing to my life outcomes. Over the years I have written over 2 million words, spoken to over a million people around the globe and have spent more time than I care to admit on self-evaluation and I still don’t have all of the answers I would like to enjoy true inner peace, contentment and enduring happiness. Why?

Each of us has a number of things driving us toward or away from happiness and inner peace. These include but are not limited to; achievements, successes, judgments, opinions, beliefs, feelings, expectations and thoughts. During the past few months I have read several books that have helped on this inner journey. One of them was Cushnir’s book, Setting Your Heart on Fire. In it he shares several inner life invitations that we can embrace or postpone but their postponement only ensures more of the same disappointments in life that many of us feel.

The mind with its thoughts and thought processes is a wonderful organ. It either rules our life – our memories, present moments and future or we attempt to control it. Feelings are wonderful life signposts that help us get in touch with who we are, what we want, what we want to avoid and how to live a life of happiness and inner peace.

I am coming to realize that I need to pay far more attention to my feelings than my thoughts as my thoughts are almost always ruled by ego, control, wants, needs and the desire to create life as I want it to be. On the other hand my feelings are almost always an accurate assessment of what is really going on in my world. We have a choice – let our lives be ruled by mental activities or by emotional feelings. Too many people resist or deny their feelings. I know people who won’t allow themselves to cry in public for fear of ridicule or to be seen as weak. I know people who let past negative experiences prevent them from embracing fully what is and can be now or in the future. I know people who stuff feelings for fear of coming across as insecure or weak. I know people who let past memories and their interpretation of them prevent them from embracing the potential of a new relationship or career and the exciting adventure ahead we call life. I have been guilty of all of these and I can tell you – it’s not fun or a pretty picture.

I thought I was doing a good job of living life from my heart instead of my mind, but I was recently made aware of how little progress I have really made by someone who I respect and like but will remain anonymous. During a recent conversation with her I realized that my primary challenge in life was learning to love myself unconditionally regardless of my failures and mistakes (and there have been a bunch of them) and that almost all of my life’s heartaches both now and in the past could be brought back to this simple premise. I desire validation, appreciation and love, but have never felt I had enough of any of them because I was unable to give them to myself because for some hidden reason I believed I wasn’t worthy of them. Please understand – this is not a confession or a cathartic exercise on my part, but a sharing in the hope that as you begin a new year in your life that maybe my awareness might help you along the path to greater inner peace.

I don’t know about you and what your demons, regrets or disappointments are, but I can tell you, you’ll never find peace and happiness as long as you let your mind rule your life and try to ignore or avoid your feeling body..

Make it a great week and a tremendous new year,  In His service, Tim

Weekly Quote

“But what minutes! Count them by sensation, and not by calendars, and each moment is a day.” Disraeli

Weekly TimBit – Life changing moments.

Ever notice how a person’s life can change from one minute to the next?

1. A loved one passes away. And you think about all of the unspoken words and undone deeds.

2. Say the words ‘I Do,’ and your life is never the same.

3. A car accident – bang.

4. Your first child peeks his/her head out from the safety of the womb and, bingo, you are a parent for the rest of your life.

5. Those fateful words: “You are fired.”

6. The weather tears away at the fabric of your home, leaving a pile of debris in its wake.

7. You read and re-read the numbers on your lottery ticket in misbelief.

8. The Doctor says – “you have cancer.”

9.The Doctor says – “you are cured.”

There are many other positive and negative life-changing minutes in life. Yes, I understand that when you say “I Do,” there were most likely months or even years of courting, and when you hear your child’s first cry there were months of anxious waiting and excitement, but these actual events seldom take more than a few minutes to actually happen. And then your life is never the same.

I have experienced many positive and negative life-changing minutes during my 60 plus years of traveling down the highways of life, and I can tell you that from my perspective one can never really know the full and total consequences or impact of these life-changing minutes – whether it is as a parent of a child, a business owner, or the son or daughter of a parent who has left this earth plane. So, Tim, what is your point in this article?

I am asking you to grasp the importance of every critical life moment because you never know . . . . Each one can bring with it a series of new consequences, challenges, opportunities, and decisions. Make these decisions carefully when you can, recognizing that in the end, each of us is responsible for our own destiny and how it is defined by us and the world and the quality of our lives and what we take from this life and what we give back to it. Yes, there are many events that occur in our lives that are beyond our ability to control or understand. But, we can still learn to live with acceptance, passion, freedom and patience regardless of the impact of these events in our lives.

The adventure of life is just that, an adventure. It brings with it surprises, lessons, failures, people who impact our attitudes and behavior, uncertainty, opportunity and lots and lots of questions. But, in the end each of us will be held accountable by life not just for how we lived it, but who we helped, what we shared, who we scorned and what we left undone. Relish the moments of your life – each and every one of them. Because the rest of your life could change forever – in the next minute!

Question for the week

Are you living life fully – one minute at a time? Recommended Reading Stake Your Claim, Fox Make it a great week, In His service, Tim

Weekly Quote

“Why not go out on a limb – that’s where the fruit is.” Will Rogers

Weekly TimBit – What will 2012 be like for you?

2012 is just around the corner. Are you ready to tackle it with passion, skill, optimism and enthusiasm? Are you preparingfor whatever 2012 throws your way – either positive or negative? Or, are you still struggling to get through 2011 in one piece and fearful that 2012 will just be more of the same?

Regardless of what this year has put on your plate you can begin anew in less than 30 days. Will you be ready?

Each year millions of people begin the new year with hope and desire that their life and or career will in some way be better, more rewarding or less stressful. Many of these same people fail to understand a simple yet profound concept and that is that to wish, hope, dream and pray is just not enough if you want to guarantee that your life is under control and heading down the path that you want or have chosen. You have to do more and you should start TODAY!

There are ten essentials that you need to understand and apply if you want this year as well as the rest of your life to be better or different in some way.

- You have to have specific written goals.
- You have to have written plans and alternate plans.
- You have to have, improve or develop the skills required to fulfill your plans.
- You have to develop and maintain attitudes that support your activities and goals.
- You have to take full responsibility for your outcomes.
- You have to have optimistic and positive expectations.
- You have to hold yourself accountable.
- You have to shed yourself of your self-imposed limitations.
- You have to extend effort.
- You have to make wise choices and thoughtful decisions.

There are of coarse many others, but I guarantee that if you work on all ten – 2012 will be one of your best years ever.  Here’s a thought – why not see if you can add at least 5 more items to my list.

This is where we lose a lot of people. Many people will do one or two of the above. Fewer will do three or four and fewer still will do all ten. The interesting thing that I have observed over the years is that almost everyone wants the prize or benefits of doing all ten, but few people want to pay the price required, (actually doing them) to deserve the benefits they say they want.

Our life is our own. Regardless of your status or circumstances you are where you are for any number of reasons. If your status or conditions are going to change for the better in any way, it will be because you did something about them. I suggest that you re-consider the list of ten above and determine where you might need some guidance, help, work, improvement or better understanding of the relationship between positive actions and positive outcomes.

Question for the week

What do you need to do better or different in 2012 to create a better year than 2011?

Recommended Reading

Success is a Decision, Yours Truly

Make it a great week, In His service, Tim

Weekly Quote

“Mountain tops are for inspiration and breadth but the fruit is found in the valley.” Ruth Graham

Weekly TimBit – More and more stuff!!!

As we head toward another holiday season I would ask you to consider . . . do you have too much stuff? Does your family have too much stuff? Does your life depend on stuff? I could go on and on.

Stuff, toys and trappings of success. More is better. Bigger is better. Are you measuring your success with all of the tangible possessions that are a testimony to your worth, hard work and value?

Don’t get me wrong – I like stuff, too. The question that needs to be asked however is – if you lost all of your stuff, would you still feel successful? If you had to begin all over again from scratch, would you still believe in yourself and your mission, goals, purpose and life?

Too many people are living in a fantasy world believing that their wealth, address, car, toys and various possessions are symbols of their achievements and success. Most of us have a lot more stuff than we need, will ever use, or can possibly enjoy. I know people who have 5 cars in their garages, 4 homes, enough furniture to outfit a hotel, and very little peace of mind.

Stuff is nice. Stuff makes life more convenient – or does it? Computers simplify our lives. Who ever sold that bill of goods is a genius. I have spent more time plowing through manuals, dealing with computer technicians, trying to recover lost data, and attempting to evaluate all of the information my computer spews out to me on a daily basis than I care to remember. Not to mention hours trying to find my way through the maze of the Internet.

I believe in progress, but I also believe in simplicity. I like toys, but I wish I had all of the cash I have spent on toys in the past 35 years – toys that have broken, rusted, gone out of style, been lost etc.
Why not take an inventory of all of the stuff that you no longer need, use, like or want. It might be an interesting exercise.

My final thought: Stuff is good, too much stuff can be distracting. Toys are fun, but too many toys can cause you to use them only out of guilt. Learning is wise, but what are you using of what you are learning? Pleasure is nice but to immerse yourself only in pleasure will tend to deaden you to the needs, pain and reality of real life and keep in mind that pleasure and happiness are defined differently.

Question for the week

Got too much stuff?

Recommended Reading

The Road to Happiness is Full of Potholes, Yours Truly

Make it a great week,
In His service,
Tim

Weekly Quote

“Things do not just happen, they are made to happen.” John F. Kennedy

Weekly TimBit - Embrace the unexpected -

The only thing that is certain in life is its uncertainty. Unfortunately many people fail to grasp this simple yet profound concept. Years ago I read a great book by Dan Millman called ‘The Way of The Peaceful Warrior’. In it Dan wove many principles and concepts into this thought-provoking story. One that really that hit me right between the eyes was the simple premise of – embracing the unexpected and releasing the expected.

Let’s say for a moment that you have a personal attachment to a specific goal or plan. As you begin to implement your plan and move toward your goal, you discover that things are just not turning out quite like you would have hoped. They could be even falling apart at the seams. They could also be heading towards total disaster, one that you never saw coming or didn’t anticipate. Been there? I have!

One of the most difficult things for people to do is to let go or surrender to outcomes they didn’t want, can’t control or don’t like. John Lennon said it best over twenty-five years ago, “Life is what happens to you as you are planning your life.” My latest book, Emerging from Life’s Valleys. In it I discuss why people experience highs and lows in life and how the outcomes of these at the time, seemed out of sync with their desires or expectations. But, as time rolled on many of these people, when they looked back on these circumstances or experiences found that many of the previous perceived negatives were positive and the positives were negative.

The truth is – that no one can predict:

Who will cross your path

A health challenge

Un-planned for luck

An economy that challenges your dreams

Other people’s agendas

A financial upset

A career change

A business failure

There are more, but on to the point.

It is vital that you develop a strategy for anticipating the unexpected. It is critical that you learn to let go and put closure on a failed plan, goal that you are no longer passionate about, a relationship that is over or any other life experience that you can do little about other than whine, moan, blame, point your finger or carry around for years after it is over.

So;

- What has recently happened in your life that you never expected?

- Who is now in your life now and you never saw them coming?

- What goals or plans are you holding on to that you no longer are excited about?

- What positive or negatives have happened in your career or business that you didn’t anticipate?

- If you knew then what you know now would you have done anything differently?

- If you could know what is in your future would you really want to know?

- Has any disappointment caused you to lose your passion or purpose?

Keep your eye on the ball, stay focused on your goals, make plans but be willing to accept that you can’t control every aspect of anything so you may as well just relax and enjoy the ride.

Question for the week

Are you letting unrealistic expectations rule your life?

Recommended Reading

The Way of The Peaceful Warrior, Millman

Make it a great week, In His service, Tim

Weekly Quote

“What does reason demand of a man? A very easy thing – to live in accord with his own nature.” Seneca

Weekly TimBit – The path of least resistance or the road less travelled?

Have you ever noticed that at certain times of your life everything seems to flow smoothly, while at other times, no matter what you do or don’t do, everything just seems to fall apart at the seams? I know the feeling, folks, believe me! Getting in the groove, however you define it, gives the appearance of being in a wonderful place in life, and spending time in a rut for the most part appears to just not be fun or rewarding. What are the causes, symptoms, results, consequences and positive or negative benefits of both? Yes, there are benefits to being in a rut, and negative consequences to being in the groove.

The path of least resistance doesn’t mean:

- you sit around and wait for your ship to come in

- you hope someone else will deliver success/happiness to your doorstep

- success will come because you have worked hard all of your life

-you are guaranteed whatever you want because you were born with the right genes

- you are guaranteed success because you were born into the right family

- you will easily get everything you want

- no bumps in the road

- everything has to be perfect every time or every day

The path of least resistance does mean:

- life is more fulfilling when you do what you love

- life is more fun when you control your emotions

- you will achieve more if you know what you want

- you roll just as easily with the curves as you do the straight-aways

- you enjoy the trip one day at a time

- you can’t do anything alone

- your outcomes are always up to you

Regardless, learn that every obstacle, plateau, bump in the road, achievement, failure, or success is not about what is happening – but what you are learning and how you are growing.

A few questions for the week

Are you in the groove right now, or are you struggling up the wall of a rut?

If you are in a rut today: ask yourself – how did I get here and what can I learn while I’m here?

If you are in the groove today: ask yourself – how did I get here and what do I need to learn while I’m here?

Recommended Reading

What Happy People Know, Baker

Make it a great week, In His service, Tim

Weekly Quote

“Don’t waste your time taking anything personally. Whatever people say about you is just a projection of their image of you. It has nothing to do with you.” Miguel RuizWeekly TimBit

- Relationship seasons:

Every relationship passes through seasons just like the seasons of the year. Let me explain.

First there is spring.

Spring is about new growth, new opportunities and hope for the future. It represents a vision for what can be.  Gardner’s know that every spring what has laid dormant for a few months will soon sprout into a wondrous display of color and life.  Relationships, when they are new are filled with possibilities and hope for a positive, nurturing future.  There is no room for doubt or negative feelings or attitudes.  Everything is fresh and exciting.  They are filled with passion, laughter and the wonder of discovery.  It is a wonderful time, this springtime of relationships.

Then there is summer.

Summer is a playful time filed with adventure, activity, long hot days and cool nights (depending on where you live of course).  Summer is a time of days when nature spreads its wings and shows off its diversity and uniqueness. There can also be thunderous storms that appear in an instant rearing their ugly head as people run for cover against the wind and rain. In relationships summer is a time of fun, new understanding and a willingness to compromise.  It is when people learn what they can and cannot expect.  Summer is when a person’s guard comes down and they learn the reality of their partner’s dreams, hopes, frustrations, doubts and yes all of their idiosyncrasies and inner struggles. It can be a time of adjustment and acceptance or rejection and stress, a continuation of the beauty of spring or the realization and disappointment of settling for less that you had hoped for.

Fall always follows summer.

The trees share their splendor and the flowers begin their retreat and preparation for the long cold winter ahead. The days grow shorter and the nights are cooler.  The air is crisp and clean, long gone are the humid days of summer.   The fall in relationships is when there is a realization that it is time to accept that you will never find the perfect partner, that you must learn to live with, love and accept who is now in your life.  The excitement and passion of spring can still peek through the fallen leaves and the joy and love can grow into a new dimension but only if there has been growth and learning during the summer.  Fall can be a time of resentment and frustration where the days are filled with longing and stuffed desires.  There is beauty in the fall but there can also uncertainty, fear and a realization that winter, the end of the beauty and excitement will soon be a distant memory.

And finally winter comes.

The days are short and the bitter cold penetrates your essence regardless of the thickness of your garments.  The trees are bare and the blue skies of fall are now covered with in a blue gray shield that keeps the sun hidden from your view. Winters in relationships come to everyone.  There are lonesome nights and fearful days.  There is adversity and sickness, abandonment and bitterness.  These days seem to cut to the core of our life leaving us afraid and uncertain of our future and what it might bring.  But remember, if you can weather the winter, spring is just around the corner where new beginnings once again share themselves in the hopes that you will be ready to embrace once again the joy, the passion and the love that you once felt.

Seasons in relationships are as predictable as the seasons of the calendar.  You can’t keep spring around for ever and winter comes whether you like it or want it or not.  So why not just relax and enjoy the passing seasons in your relationship as you do watching spring fade into summer and summer becoming fall.

Question for the week

Which relationship season are you in and how are you handling it?

Recommended Reading

Givers and Takers, Evatt

Make it a great week, In His service, Tim

Weekly Quote

“The pain of the mind is worse than the pain of the body.”   Syrus

Weekly TimBit – Controlling life’s outcomes-

Sooner or later each of us has to deal with a life outcome that we didn’t anticipate, plan for or expect. Life is filled with surprises both negative and positive. It is interesting to note however, how many of these so-called negative outcomes came from positive causes while some of the positive outcomes came from negative causes. If this is true, how is anyone to understand the real meaning of life’s events over the long haul?

It usually comes down to your life philosophy and there are as many life philosophies as there are people reading this message. Life can be perceived as a wonderful adventure or a series of one negative life drama and trauma after another. So, who is to say which is better and why? Every life has its struggles with: growth, understanding, acceptance, tolerance, adversity, discouragement and too many more to list. Every life also has its share of: achievement, love, friendship, joy, blessings, success as well as many others.

In the end, life outcomes are the result of several factors. Here are just a few to think about:

- Your life’s decisions and choices along the way

- Divine providence

- Luck, timing or synchronicity

- Your personal perspective

- Your working life philosophy or approach to circumstances, events and people.

- Your goals, plans, dreams, hopes and desires

- Your early environment and its conditioning

- Your self-esteem, self-acceptance and self-love

- Your need to learn certain life lessons

- Your attitudes

No one can predict the future of a life. No one knows how his/her life will turn out next year or in 20 years. No one is privy in advance, to all of the events, circumstances, people and conditions that will cross his/her path as his/her life unfolds.

Our job is to take what we are given in the present and build the best life we can with what we have at the time with gratitude, love, acceptance and appreciation. This does not mean we take negatives lying down. It does not mean we don’t try, hope, plan and have desire. It does mean however, that certain things are not always within our control and we often need to let go and surrender to the divine purpose of our life as it unfolds day by day, year by year.

Question for the week

Do you try and control things that are not within your control?

Recommended Reading

Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart, Livingston

Make it a great week,
In His service,
Tim