worry

July 19th, 2015 No comments

In ancient times worry was depicted in hieroglyphics as a wolf sinking its teeth into the neck of a man. How right they were.

What is worry? Well essentially I’s a concern for some aspect of the future that you feel you have no control over, are concerned about and/or you are not sure you can handle the circumstances that show up tomorrow. Why do people worry? But first let me ask you – are you a worrier? No? Do you ever worry? Never.

Come on folks – every human at some point worries about something – their health, their money, their career or business, their reputation, their security or their relationships.

Medical evidence has indicated in numerous studies that a mindset of worry is one of the major causes of poor health, relationship issues and poor or no inner peace and happiness.

I once read a study years ago that indicated that 80-90 percent of the things people worry about never actually happen. So if this is true why do we waste mental time on this negative thought process that steals from the joy of today and life?

A few questions –

Are you a worrier? A lot, everything, sometimes, never, it depends?

What are the things you worry about most? Why? How frequently?

Has a mindset of worry had a negative impact on any area of your life?

Do you know a worrier? How does this life approach affected them?

Worry is wasted energy. It is living in the future. It is trying to have control over stuff we can’t control. It steals your present moments and over time in looking back I will guarantee that you will say one day – “Why did I spend so much time worrying about – whatever?”

In His Service, Tim

Tim Connor, CSP World renowned Speaker, Trainer and best selling author of over 80 titles. Box 397, Davidson, N.C. 28036 USA, 704-895-1230 (voice) tim@timconnor.com (email) - www.timconnor.com (Website) Why not connect with me on: FaceBook/LinkedIn
 

Failure

July 5th, 2015 No comments

Words are just words but the critical issue is how we define them or apply them in our lives. For example – failure can mean different things to different people just like – success, happiness, problems or hope. Failure is just a word but how we define it has a tremendous impact on the quality of our lives. Think about it – everything that exists today from your home, car, IPhone or your medications exits because someone tried to invent something failed and tried again – they didn’t let failure – or others definition of it determine their attitudes, beliefs or actions.

Others who tried to invent or create something and failed who then gave up as a result of their definition of failure – well – we are still waiting for their discovery to become reality.

The key thing to remember is there are four reactions to failure – 1) give up and move on to something else. 2) See it as a learning opportunity and keep moving forward with new awareness, insight and experience. 3) Remain stuck between these two – waiting, hoping, dreaming that things will miraculously get better with your inaction. and 4) Blame others or circumstances taking no responsibility for the outcomes.

This week’s questions:

1) How do you define failure?

2) How have you reacted to previous failures?

3)What have you learned from previous failures?

4)Are you afraid to fail for some internal or external reason?

5)Have you put off some action, decision, choice or opportunity due to your concern for potential failure? Why?

In His Service, Tim

Tim Connor, CSP World renowned Speaker, Trainer and best selling author of over 80 titles. Box 397, Davidson, N.C. 28036 USA, 704-895-1230 (voice) tim@timconnor.com (email) - www.timconnor.com (Website) Why not connect with me on: FaceBook/LinkedIn
Categories: Uncategorized Tags:
 

A single day can be a lifetime

April 27th, 2015 No comments

Many people take each day that they are given for granted. They assume that they have time to play, work, love and just enjoy all of the gifts they are given each minute of every day. As I look back over the past year I can tell you that a day can be a lifetime filled with wonderful memories or riddled with regret, disappointment and unfulfilled dreams, desires and painful memories. It can also be spent taking the positives from the past into each new moment with faith, confidence and passion.

I don’t know how many years have passed for you as you read this article but I can tell you that no matter your age, experience, gender, race or nationality that you too have squandered many of the days you have been given. Squandered with guilt, worry, aimlessness, grief and possibly the frustration that your life just isn’t or hasn’t been quite the way you would like it or have liked it. Welcome to the largest club in the world – the “I wish things were different” club.

As I was driving to the post office this morning, a thought occurred to me, one that I’ve had numerous times in the past, but for some reason today it resonated with me more than at any other time – each breath and each heartbeat is a miracle.  

The mere fact that I am still alive, when so many of my peers and friends have passed away, far too soon I might add and I can still see, think, feel, love, plan, hope and just be in the flow of life for another day. Wow, what a gift.

As I was pondering this thought another occurred to me – as I look back over the many relationships I’ve had during my life, I had to wonder, how many of these people saw the time we shared as a gift or did they see it as just the passage of time, one day after another until what was, ended whether badly or positively isn’t the issue here. How they ended doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things, but were they filled with joy or sadness and regret for what was in each moment at a time while they were active?

Life begins, moves on and ends. What really matters is what you do with the gift of time between the beginning and its ending.  

So, back to the title – A single day can be a lifetime or it can just be another day. We make the assumption that we will all have 25,000 days or 600,000 hours (about 70 years) of life. Subtract 200,000 hours from this total (sleeping time) and you are left with around 400,000 hours or about 16,000 days. When you think about it, that’s not very many days to live if you squander many of them with worry, stress, frustration, anger, resentment etc.

Each day is a lifetime. Think of it this way. If today was your last day, it would be your life. Yes, you’d have lots of memories, achievements, work done and undone, but in the end would it all really matter?

What I’m suggesting here is that from now on rather then seeing each day as just a day, but as the summation of your life and all of its elements – relationships, financial, spiritual etc. Living each day as if it is your entire life may change how you live all your remaining days. Think about it as this year comes to a close . . .

“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children…to leave the world a better place…to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

In His Service, Tim

Tim Connor, CSP World renowned Speaker, Trainer and best selling author of over 80 titles. Box 397, Davidson, N.C. 28036 USA, 704-895-1230 (voice) tim@timconnor.com (email) - www.timconnor.com (Website) Why not connect with me on: FaceBook/LinkedIn
Categories: Uncategorized Tags:
 

What do you do when you don’t know what to do?

March 19th, 2015 No comments

Feeling stuck? Uncertain? Afraid? Conflicted? Impatient? Join the ever growing club of good people who feel out of control whether it’s their business, career, relationships, finances or just life in general.

I can’t tell you how many times during my life I was at my wits end to know what to do when given unexpected and often dramatic circumstances that I was unprepared for. What to do? Will this work? Should I wait? What if I..?

I have tried everything and nothing is working.

Was it fear, a lack of preparation or planning, ego domination or some other trait or characteristic that was being tested in me?

What to do now or next . . . a troubling position to be in hoping that things would get better on their own or at least not worse while I was uncertain of what decisions to make or actions to take.

As a global speaker and bestselling author for over thirty years sharing hope, optimism and lessons learned with others, I often didn’t feel like I deserved the negative circumstances that I found myself embroiled in, but here they were nonetheless.

What can we do when we feel like we have nowhere to turn, no one we can count on or just feel like – what’s the point anymore? Well, here is what I have learned during my long journey, I hope some of the ideas might help you if you feel like you are in a deep valley or just unsure of what your next step, action or decision should be.

-Talk to people you trust and who won’t be judgmental, critical or invalidating. Be honest and share truth, feelings and perceived choices with them and listen to their guidance. You don’t have to do any of it but who knows, maybe something they say may open doors or trigger something you had not considered.

-Read more. There are literally millions of resources available today and most of them are free. But, don’t let money get in the way, if you have to buy some resource – do it. Ask me for my recommended reading list that lists over 75 of my all time favorite books (not mine) and the list is on me.

-Hire a coach for a few sessions. Doesn’t have to be a long term process. Again be vulnerable, honest and forthcoming about your issues, challenges and/or fears and uncertainty. I have helped hundreds of people during my life with both long and short coaching relationships – call me.

 -Let go of a victim mentality and stop beating yourself up until the scars and bruises become permanent and life threatening. Regardless of your current state – you have previous skills, achievements, lessons learned, successes etc. that will validate who you are and help you take a different or the right path into the future.

– Start a journal and spend a few minutes every day recording – actions, outcomes, decisions, consequences, disappointments etc.

-We all face tribulations and trials sooner or later. Accept them as simply things that have come into your life to help you grow, learn and get better and wiser. No one who has ever lived and accomplished great things whether an athlete, teacher, politician, clergy member, parent, artist, musician or any other life role did it without facing some form of adversity, trial, challenge or failure.

-And finally, take full responsibility for your past, present and future. This is your life and you can do what you want with it – you can work, believe, act and learn or sit and blame, complain, feel self-pity or just useless. It’s a simple choice. We are all given a certain number of years to live by God and we can live them productively regardless of our roles or responsibilities or we can give in to fate, circumstances or failure. But in the end, on your deathbed – will it be – blame, regrets and a lack of mature responsibility or a smile that you finished the race to the best of your ability and kept the faith.

“This is a world of action and not for moping and droning in.”
Charles Dickens

Tim Connor, CSP World renowned Speaker, Trainer and best selling author of over 80 titles. Box 397, Davidson, N.C. 28036 USA, 704-895-1230 (voice) tim@timconnor.com (email) - www.timconnor.com (Website) Why not connect with me on: FaceBook/LinkedIn
Categories: Uncategorized Tags:
 

More Time or Money? And the winner is?

March 10th, 2015 No comments

Let me ask you a simple question . . . at first glance you might not think it’s that simple but here it is anyway – if you could have more money or more time which would you choose? You can only have one.

Did your response come quickly or did you ponder it longer considering all of the consequences?

For example if you had more money but no more time – what could the outcomes be? If you had more time but no more money – again lot’s of options here as well.

But, consider for a moment the larger scale of this question and how it would impact your future if you could choose one or the other.

If your answer was more money and not time.

How much money does it take to be happy, successful and/or contented? Research over the years has indicated that very few wealthy people are really happy, so it would seem that money doesn’t buy happiness. Yes, it can buy lots of stuff – some necessary and some just because you have convinced yourself you want it, need it or deserve it. But, in the end relying on money or even more money won’t give you what you hope it will – contentment, satisfaction or even inner peace.

If this research is true, why do so many people spend so much of their time in life chasing after more money? Is it ego, insecurity, control or some other emotional driver or attitude?

Security is a wonderful thing unfortunately money doesn’t guarantee it and never will. You can lose everything in a heartbeat.

Relying on money or more money in my opinion is a senseless goal. I’m not implying here that we should not work hard, save, invest or spend wisely to ensure that our needs are met. What I’m saying is that it takes more than money to live a life worth living.

Having said this, if your answer was money, what would you do with it once you have it? Spend it, invest it, give it away or hide it under the pillow?

If your choice was more money and not time, what would you do first with more money? Keep in mind you don’t know how much time you have left here.

If your answer was more time and not money.

We get twenty four hours a day – no more no less, but if your answer was more time – the question is why? Have you put things off during your life? Do you need more time to see it all, do it all and learn it all?

Keep in mind I didn’t say how much time you will get – that’s just an arbitrary figure. It could be weeks, months or years but does it really matter if you are wasting the time you have now?

No matter how hard you work or play there will never be enough time to do it all if your priorities or agendas are not in sync with your life goals, plans, dreams or desires.

I would like to have more time to travel, but I know I will never be able to see everything I want to so the questions is – what are the most important places I want to go and things I want to see?

This is the issue when we choose the more time option – what will you do with it? Just continue to spend the extra time as you have in the past or get more focused and dedicated to doing and seeing what matters to you.

In summary – We all get the time we have – no more no less and none of us know how much time that will be so why do we wait to do some of the things that matter whether it is travel or just time with friends and family.

If more money was your answer ask yourself – how would this change my life, not your circumstances, but your life?

“This time, like all times , is a very good time-if we but know what to do with it.”

Emerson

In His Service, Tim

Tim Connor, CSP World renowned Speaker, Trainer and best selling author of over 80 titles. Box 397, Davidson, N.C. 28036 USA, 704-895-1230 (voice) tim@timconnor.com (email) - www.timconnor.com (Website) Why not connect with me on: FaceBook/LinkedIn
Categories: Uncategorized Tags:
 

Say goodbye to survival mode

March 4th, 2015 No comments

Ever been in survival mode? I know I have a few times during my life, but in looking back I have to wonder, why did I allow negative thoughts dominate my present moments often in a destructive way?

Survival – (a definition) the fact of remaining alive or in existence, especially after facing life-threatening danger, or of continuing in a present position or office. That really doesn’t do it for me. From my perspective – it’s going from day to day or even moment to moment wondering if you could handle another disappointment, challenge, failure or just the continued uncertainty and your opinion or view that you didn’t think you could.

Why do we allow circumstances to dictate how we go through our life? Why do we give control of our attitudes and behavior over to others or situations that on the surface appear devastating, but when we look deeper they are almost always due not to what is happening, but to our perception or interpretation of what is happening? The answer to this is far to long for this article, but let me share instead some things we can do to get out of survival mode and into daily thrive mode.

First, we have to accept that adversity is a normal part of life. No one escapes life without trouble, problems, trials or failure. These are as much a part of life as happiness, joy, peace, achievement and success if we will but learn to accept what life brings to us moment by moment and day by day without judgment.

I am not speaking lightly here of the loss of a loved one or a catastrophic illness, but many of the everyday challenges that just come with being alive.

Second, we need to learn to control our attitudes and not let circumstances dictate our reactions or responses. I know this is not always easy, believe me, but if we are to live a contented and rewarding life – it will require that we take control of ourselves and let go of the need to permit others or circumstances to control us.

Third, we need to develop mindsets that keep us focused on what is possible and not what isn’t, what is good and not what is bad (keep in mind that all of these are just our perceptual interpretation of events, circumstances and people). I’m not talking here about unbridled optimism but the ability to see reality for what it is without letting the fears that are often normal reactions to perceived negative situations determine our ability to address, manage or overcome these unknowns or unidentified events that cross our life path.

Fourth, we need to learn to surrender to situations that we have no control over while not losing heart, faith, hope or courage in spite of them.

And finally, fifth, we need to learn to trust; God, ourselves, life and the simple fact that all things sooner or later happen for our good. They may not have seemed so while we were in the throes of a negative circumstance, but I’ll wager that as you look back over your life, that many of the negatives that happened in the past, that after years of maturity, time, growth and understanding are now defined differently and more often than not, positively.

We can’t change the past or control the future, but we can learn to live life each moment with courage, faith, trust, optimism and confidence and yes, thrive.

 

“Refusal to hope is nothing more than a decision to die.”

Bernie Siegel M.D.

 tim-connor-mhmsm-comIn His Service, Tim

Tim Connor, CSP World renowned Speaker, Trainer and best selling author of over 80 titles. Box 397, Davidson, N.C. 28036 USA, 704-895-1230 (voice) tim@timconnor.com (email) - www.timconnor.com (Website) Why not connect with me on: FaceBook/LinkedIn
Categories: Uncategorized Tags:
 

Take the Corporate Disconnect Challenge if you have the courage to face reality!

December 25th, 2014 No comments

Every organization has Corporate Disconnect lurking somewhere in the shadows of their organization and every day that it’s allowed to continue or grow, it’s costing you sales, profits and consistent effective performance that leads to healthy and stable growth.

 -It doesn’t matter whether you are a start-up or have been in

  business for over 50 years

-Have 5 employees or over 5000

-Sell a service or a product

-Have a local market or are a Global organization

-Have under 1 million in sales or over 50 billion

 Corporate Disconnect is;

  1. When the realities that exist at the lower levels of an organization and in the market place do not accurately, consistently and congruently find their way to the highest levels of the organization – where direction is set, goals are established, vision is created and major decisions are made.
  2. When the vision, mission, purpose, direction and leadership at the highest levels of an organization do not accurately radiate throughout the entire organization with integrity, accuracy, clarity, accountability and consistency.
  3. When corporate-wide and top-down messages lack consistency and accountability and negatively impact the integrity of bottom-up communication, employee performance and effectiveness.

Let me repeat, every organization has Corporate Disconnect and if its symptoms are ignored, its causes not eliminated, sooner or later it will have a negative impact on your sales, margins, profits, customer loyalty and healthy growth.

 Not sure where your Corporate Disconnect is stealing from your bottom line? Not sure where your Corporate Disconnect is hurting your business growth? Not sure how your management style, culture or employee attitudes are contributing to your Corporate Disconnect?   Complete the following questionnaire – it will give you some perspective on where and how this disease is impacting your organization’s success and even possible survival.

I would recommend that you have every employee complete this before you start a new year – and then have them share their results with you – again if you have the courage to face reality . . .  

The Questions

1. I believe there is very little communication breakdown in my organization between the top-down messages and their interpretation, understanding and acceptance at the 20,000- and 500-foot levels. Yes / No

2. The employees at the 500-foot level are honestly communicating reality to the managers at the 20,000 level. Yes / No

3. The managers at the 20,000-foot level are honestly communicating the information from the 500-foot level up to the 40,000-foot level without white-washing it or putting a positive spin on any negatives. Yes / No

4. The vision of our organization is clear to every employee. Yes / No

5. The vision of this company is embraced by most employees. Yes / No

6. Generally speaking, most employees trust management at both the 20,000- and 40,000- foot levels. Yes /No

7. Generally speaking, most employees at all levels respect each other. Yes / No

8. Morale at the 20,000-foot level is mostly positive. Yes / No

9. Morale at the 500-foot level is mostly positive. Yes / No

10. There are very few breakdowns in communication between departments. Yes / No

11. Decision-making at the 40,000-foot level that impacts managers at the 20,000-foot level is done after consultation with these employees. Yes / No

12. Decision-making at the 20,000-foot level that impacts employees at the 500-foot level is done after consultation with these employees. Yes / No

13. Most employees feel they receive adequate recognition and appreciation for the work they do. Yes / No

14. Most managers feel they receive adequate recognition and appreciation for the work they do. Yes / No

15. Most employees feel that working in our organization is a fulfilling and rewarding experience. Yes / No

16. Most employees believe that our organization is a fun place to work.

Yes / No

17. Employee reviews are done on time and in a professional and effective way. Yes / No

18. New employees are adequately indoctrinated into our organization. Yes / No

19. Exit interviews are conducted with every employee who leaves, regardless of the reason. Yes / No

20. Most employees feel that their compensation is fair for the experience they have and the work they do. Yes / No

21. There are very few hidden agendas among our employees, whether individually, within departments and/or with other departments. Yes / No

22. Fear/punishment and/or incentive/reward are the primary means of motivating our employees. Yes / No

23. Generally speaking, all employees who are given responsibility are also given the authority to use the resources necessary to carry out these responsibilities. Yes / No

24. Our employees feel they receive adequate and on-going training for their area of expertise and responsibility. Yes / No

25. Most managers do an effective job of coaching their employees. Yes / No

26. The goals and direction of our organization are clear to all employees.

Yes / No

27. The goals of our organization are embraced by most of our employees.

Yes / No

28. The management style of our organization is empowering. Yes / No

29. Our corporate culture is positive and motivating. Yes / No

30. Our managers feel they receive adequate training. Yes / No

31. Our customers always receive excellent service from all employees.

Yes / No

32. The management style of our organization is based on responsibility rather than accountability. Yes / No

33. All of our employees are treated with fairness and equality. Yes / No

34. Most of our employees feel like they are involved and “in on things” rather than just doing a job they are paid to do. Yes / No

35. There are no sacred cows in our organization. Yes / No

36. There is no emotional deadwood in our organization. Yes / No

37. Very few employees have their resume on the street. Yes / No

38. It is easy to attract the best employees to our organization. Yes / No

39. Our culture is based on integrity and honesty. Yes / No

40. There is a clear career path in our organization for all employees. Yes / No

41. The hiring process at our organization is effective. Yes / No

42. There is nothing broken in our organization. Yes / No

43. Senior management is accurately in touch with the reality of the organization. Yes / No

44. Most meetings are productive and effective. Yes / No

45. We have a clear, well-communicated and accountable strategic plan for the organization. Yes / No

46. Generally, employees are held accountable for their actions when not appropriate. Yes / No

47. All employees are encouraged to think creatively and be innovative.

Yes / No

48. Roles and responsibilities of each employee and department are clear to everyone involved. Yes / No

49. It’s okay to make mistakes and have failures in our organization without the fear of retribution. Yes / No

50. Dissent from employees is encouraged when appropriate. Yes / No

51. Ego is driving our organization. Yes / No

52. Our managers have a business coach. Yes / No

53. Management expectations are communicated clearly and consistently to all employees. Yes / No

54. Technology, rather than the human touch, is driving our business. Yes / No

55. Management manages by example. Yes / No

56. Many of our employees are under a great deal of stress. Yes / No

57. Our organization is experiencing significant change. Yes / No

58. Certain employees are burning out due to over-work or inadequate resources. Yes / No

59. Our organization operates with a strategic planning mindset. Yes / No

60. Our managers tend to hire under pressure. Yes / No

61. Our managers tend to do things themselves rather than delegate them.

Yes / No

62. Our managers tend to inspect and measure their expectations. Yes / No

63. Negative feedback exceeds positive. Yes / No

64. Performance is rewarded more than position or tenure. Yes / No

65. Employees tend to take ownership of projects and initiatives. Yes / No

66. Employee productivity is an issue in one or more departments. Yes / No

67. Standards, policies and procedures are the same for everyone. Yes / No

68. Employee development is seen as a cost rather than an investment.

Yes / No

69. Management greed drives the organization. Yes / No

70. Managers can admit they were wrong or made a mistake. Yes / No

71. A leadership mindset permeates the entire organization. Yes / No

72. Employee surveys are done routinely. Yes / No

73. If yes, the results are taken seriously and implemented where appropriate. Yes / No

74. Managers, generally, really listen to employees. Yes / No

75. Employees really listen to customers. Yes / No

76. Our organization’s focus is on what’s not working rather than what is working. Yes / No

77. Certain employees have behaviors or attitudes that are not contributing to our effectiveness. Yes / No

78. Some employees need to be let go, but we are not taking action. Yes / No

79. Our core values are embraced by all employees. Yes / No

80. Our management style is predominately top-down. Yes / No

81. We have a mentoring culture. Yes / No

82. Resource allocation is in turmoil. Yes / No

83. Our employee development budget is adequate to ensure peak-performance employees. Yes / No

84. Our organization is living up to its potential. Yes / No

85. A lot of “stuff” is falling through the cracks. Yes / No

86. Sales have not consistently increased during the past few years. Yes / No

87. Our warranty costs are getting out of hand. Yes / No

88. We are losing good employees during their first 12 months of employment. Yes / No

89. Our cost of sales is increasing more than necessary. Yes / No

90. Management turnover is a problem. Yes / No

91. Employees believe management is penny wise and pound foolish. Yes / No

92. Some vendor relationships are strained. Yes / No

 93. Employees are not taking responsibility for their mistakes or errors. Yes / No

94. Our organization has decision paranoia. Yes / No

95. Our customers are becoming more price resistant. Yes / No

96. Sales are lagging due to economic circumstances. Yes / No

97. Senior management is increasingly frustrated with the lack of growth, sales and profits. Yes / No

98. We are losing increased business to competitors. Yes / No

99. Our CD is: minimal – moderate – severe (choose one).

Tim Connor, CSP World renowned Speaker, Trainer and best selling author of over 80 titles. Box 397, Davidson, N.C. 28036 USA, 704-895-1230 (voice) tim@timconnor.com (email) - www.timconnor.com (Website) Why not connect with me on: FaceBook/LinkedIn
Categories: Uncategorized Tags:
 

Find wisdom in the silence

December 10th, 2014 No comments

We live in a noisy world and it’s getting worse. Not being negative here – just dealing in reality. What do I mean by noisy?

When I use the word noisy I am referring to a number of factors that detract us from what really matters in life.

If you look up the meaning of noisy it would imply just loud or boisterous sound(s) but I am taking a broader view here and implying not just the sounds of noise, but the things that distract or prevent us from finding the benefits of silence or solitude in our life.

Think about it for a moment – what keeps your focus away from what really matters in life – technology, others expectations, busy agendas, negative emotions, regret or disappointment, uncertainty, fears about the future, stressful circumstances or just being in a hurry as you go through your days and life?

It is common knowledge that we tend not to learn valuable lessons in life if we don’t take the time to listen to our inner voice or spend time in introspection. We are born, we keep busy and then we die – is that the purpose of life? I don’t think so. Yes, many people give generously of their time, resources, energy and experience to others in need, but the vast majority of people tend to be self-focused on their own problems, needs, wants and life in general.

Mature learning can’t be accomplished in the midst of life’s busyness – we need to spend time in the silence just listening to God, our history, our experience and our dreams and what they are trying to teach us about how to live a life that will be filled with contentment, service, inner peace and joy.

When I talk about silence I am not referring here to isolating yourself for a few hours each day to just sit, listen and wait for answers, but the willingness and ability to take a few minutes periodically during each day prior to major decisions, actions or responses and just quiet your mind by turning off the outside world – cell phone, TV and anything that distracts you from spending a few minutes in the inner silence of introspection and consideration.

There are numerous benefits to routine silence – physically, emotionally and psychologically. Evidence has proven that this simple activity lowers the negative impact of stress, helps you stay focused on what matters and numerous other career, relationship and life benefits.

And then there is the opposite of quiet time and that is letting the outside world with all its chaos, uncertainty, dysfunction and speed of change with its increased stress, anxiety, frustration, disappointment and fear.

Believe me, the consequences of letting your outer world control your inner world is not worth the price – short or long term – you will pay it in one way or another.

The body and the mind need rest. The mind needs time to chill in order that it can always be a valuable resource for sound decision making, appropriate actions and effective life approaches. Without this rest you will tend to bring inappropriate behavior to life’s various circumstances and challenges.

Reading, thinking, planning, contemplating and learning are all valuable activities, but they are not included in what I refer to as spending time in silence or quiet time. Meditation and prayer can be valuable quiet time activities as long as there are no expectations or conscious control while engaged in them.

Try it for a week – spend a few minutes of unplanned silence several times during each day. Turn off the outside world and just listen – no agendas, no control, no actions – just listen.

 

“An inability to stay quiet is one of the most

conspicuous failings of mankind.”

 In His Service, Tim

Tim Connor, CSP World renowned Speaker, Trainer and best selling author of over 80 titles. Box 397, Davidson, N.C. 28036 USA, 704-895-1230 (voice) tim@timconnor.com (email) - www.timconnor.com (Website) Why not connect with me on: FaceBook/LinkedIn
Categories: Uncategorized Tags:
 

Traveling the yellow brick road . . .

December 6th, 2014 No comments

I am not the Wizard of Oz, just to be clear, however I would like to ask you – are you traveling your path to tomorrow awake, asleep, with passion, with apathy or just not quite sure?

Many years ago when my youngest daughter was only five she knew every word in the entire movie and would often entertain us with her performances. These were special times with wonderful memories, but I digress.

The Yellow Brick Road had a destination and Dorothy had no clue what that destination looked like, but she kept on the path in spite of her uncertainty and often discouragement. We are all on this road regardless of what you call it or where you are on it. The question is – are you consistently moving forward toward your destination even though you don’t know what that will look like when you arrive or you are hesitant due to the advice or criticism of others, the fear that you might not be able to handle what you encounter or you lack the confidence and desire to just make the trip no matter how things turn out when you arrive?

For starters we can never know for certain the endings we will experience as life is and always be filled with detours, delays and uncertainty. But, this doesn’t imply that we should not continue to pursue our dreams, hopes, desires and plans. Too many people die with their potential left in them as they failed to pursue the road ahead in fear of what they might encounter.

The Yellow Brick Road is symbolic for me in many ways and not because of the fantasy, but because of the journey we are all on while we are here. Each of us was give a great deal of potential and talent by God and yet too many of us fail to achieve the roles and accomplishments we were destined to complete. Why is this? Oh, too many reasons but here are three that I feel many people struggle with.

The fear of the unknown –

Everyone, every day faces unknowns of some type – the outcome of a decision, the fact that they can’t control every aspect of life, the future of a relationship, the circumstances of a career choice – this list is endless. Fear is the fundamental emotion that prevents us from trying, experimenting, desiring, hoping and believing. If we let it, it will dominate our every choice, action, behavior and emotion. Far too many people become slaves to the fears of life but keep in mind, these fears are nothing more than emotional choices that each of us make. Something that one person is afraid of can be a source of passion, adventure and positive action for others. Yes, fears are common but not everyone responds in the same way to the fearful triggers that life places on our path’s events or in our minds.

We choose fear. We let fear rule us. We are victims of fear’s agendas and we let fear rule our lives. Or – we use our fears to get stronger, wiser, more confident and take back control of our lives and our destiny.

The need for approval or acceptance of others –

As we travel through life hundreds of people cross our path – some for a short time and some for many years. One of the traits of people who live with anxiety, stress and disappointment are those who seek the approval or acceptance of others.

Having been in front over one million people in my world travels as a speaker I can tell you with certainty there were hundreds of people who didn’t like my message, the way I dressed, the way I talked or the way I part my hair. Get it – sooner or later not everyone is going to like you and many will not approve of you – your decisions, actions, behavior or your personality. As long as we seek the approval of others and that drives who we are and how we behave we are certain to over time lose the integrity of who we are.

I learned a long time ago after being in front of hundreds of audiences around the world that it’s more important that I like me than you liking me. Yes, I am friendly, compassionate, kind and thoughtful, but even possessing these traits are not enough for some people. Sooner or later you are going to be rejected and not because of whom you are but because of whom they are. Seeking approval is a waste of time and energy and leads only to a lack of congruence in who you really are and how you behave.

The lack of a spiritual foundation –

I am not talking about religion here – I don’t care if you are a Catholic, Jew, Muslim or Protestant or never go to church or go several times a week – this is not the issue and I won’t dig here into the benefits or drawbacks of any religious beliefs, what I’m referring to here is simply – are you grounded in a spiritual foundation? Spiritual – divine, devout or you believe there is a higher power that guides, directs, influences or contributes to inner peace and contentment in your life?

As we travel the road into our future I have learned that spiritual people have more positive qualities than negative ones – no they are not perfect but they have the right intentions and agendas. As you travel the yellow brick road your spiritual leanings will have a tremendous impact on the quality of your life and its circumstances and your responses to them.

Holiday Special – (Autographed books make great gifts) – order any book on my website (see link below) before December 10th and I’ll include a free CD with your order. And remember – I don’t send these Booster articles out between December 20th and Jan 4th.  Have a safe, peaceful and happy Holiday season and please remember what we are celebrating.

Life is a one way road. You can choose to keep moving forward to new territory. Or you can choose to go in reverse because it is familiar territory, but then you get further away from ever achieving what could be in the future.

 In His Service, Tim

Sales Video – Watch Tim Live

Tim Connor, CSP World renowned Speaker, Trainer and best selling author of over 80 titles. Box 397, Davidson, N.C. 28036 USA, 704-895-1230 (voice) tim@timconnor.com (email) - www.timconnor.com (Website) Why not connect with me on: FaceBook/LinkedIn
Categories: Uncategorized Tags:
 

Self-conception leads to judgments and your personal reality.

November 19th, 2014 No comments

Self-conception leads to preconception – preconception leads to projection and projection leads to prejudice and judgments and a disconnect with reality.

Confused? If you are let me start with some definitions.

Self-conception – how you define yourself and your beliefs, mindsets, attitudes and opinions.

Preconception – how you predetermine your attitudes, mindsets, opinions of others or circumstances.

Prejudice – the holding of preformed opinions based on insufficient knowledge, irrational feelings, or inaccurate stereotypes

Judgment – how you judge (interpret/define) others or situations based on your prejudices, expectation, attitudes, beliefs or opinions.

Stick with me – I’m getting there.

 -How does self-conception contribute to your preconceptions?

Self-conception is just the way you view, feel or what you believe about yourself. Much of your self-conception originated early in life from your parents, caregivers, schools, churches etc. Whether you like yourself or who you are or don’t for some deep seated reasons that may be hidden deep within your psyche is not the issue – but keep in mind that all of your reactions to people, circumstances and situations will almost always be driven by your inner fears, suppressed emotions, psychological wounds and your interpretation of your experiences – in other words – who you are and what you believe about yourself and the world.

These self-conceptions are rooted in your brain and will always have some impact on your decisions, attitudes and behavior. You can’t change your mental history, but what you can do is to learn to override these feelings, beliefs or values with new learning, growth, understanding and the willingness and ability to change. None of these tasks are easy, but if your life, career, relationships etc. are not turning out as you want or hope there may be some underlying self-conceptions that need to be healed, surrendered to or re-evaluated. I am not suggesting psychotherapy, but that you might benefit from some serious inner work to discover reasons, causes or triggers that are contributing to your current or past and yes – will impact your future and its circumstances and outcomes.

Self-conception is nothing more than a mental filter that everything and everyone you experience must go through this filtering process. You can’t stop it – all you can do is learn to control your outer reactions in spite of what is stored in your mental history. These self-conceptions will always contribute in some way to your preconceptions of others and situations or events.

Don’t believe me? Well the next time you get angry at anything or anyone stop for a few seconds and ask yourself – why – why am I angry. Keep digging and I’ll guarantee there is something inside you that needs to be addressed, healed or changed or you will continue to let similar situations contribute to similar future emotions and responses.

-How do your preconceptions determine or contribute to your judgments?

When you judge another person by your standards, opinions or attitudes – that doesn’t define them, but you. Judgments are nothing more than a projection of your own prejudices, likes, dislikes or any other factor that defines you from your personal perspective.

During my life I have known many very judgmental people who no matter who they met, if that person had something better than them – car, home, career or the way they looked or dressed etc. always used their judgments (preconceptions) to find something wrong with them (what they had) – they were rich and greedy, they were superficial, they had had a variety of cosmetic surgeries – get the picture?

The basic problem with judgmental people is – a low self-esteem, insecurity, jealousy, envy or some other dysfunctional behavior or mindset. Once these are set in place – often early in life – most people die with them. In other words, their preconceptions determine and contribute in a justifiable way from their personal viewpoint to; their opinions, prejudices and any other interpretation they feel makes them better in some way – even if they don’t have a better car, nicer house etc.

 -Finally how do your judgments impact your reality, relationships, success and happiness?

Reality is what is. Each of us has our own personal reality – the problem is that it is very seldom even close to the reality – what is.

Your interpretation of people, circumstances, events or any other life issue will always come from your personal viewpoint or what I have often referred to as your ‘personal emotional and mental filters”. These filters cause your interpretation of the outside world and will always be jaundiced due to your personal history, experiences, education, upbringing, gender, race, age and any other personal influences during your life. Everything that you perceive and then react or respond to will be driven in some way by the contents of your personal filters i.e. your beliefs.

Here’s the problem – just because you think something is so or right or better doesn’t make it so. Yes, it might be for you, but do you think just because you have a viewpoint I should agree with it or even like it?

All conflict, disagreement and many negative emotions in every relationship are due to the contents of your mental filter (beliefs) and how these differ from the people you interact with.

It can be as simple as an interpretation of a color. I say it’s green and you say – lime. I say it’s a beautiful day and you say – it’s too hot. I say I liked that restaurant and you say it was OK. Need I say more?

 

“Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge in the field of truth and knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the Gods.”

Albert Einstein

 In His Service, Tim

Tim Connor, CSP World renowned Speaker, Trainer and best selling author of over 80 titles. Box 397, Davidson, N.C. 28036 USA, 704-895-1230 (voice) tim@timconnor.com (email) - www.timconnor.com (Website) Why not connect with me on: FaceBook/LinkedIn
Categories: Uncategorized Tags: